A Long Way Home

Him

Him. She should talk about him. To her therapist. To someone. To anyone really. Him, who has no bearing on her life whatsoever but plays such a critical role in her experience. Him being Andrew Connors. Andrew or Drew as she referred to him was a man. A man she happened to be in love with – spiritually of course. A man who in the real world, she had royally screwed over and never recovered from.

Drew was a friend of a friend, of a friend. She had met him through her friend Maxine whose friend Kayla was dating Drew's friend Mike. When Mike and Kayla began going out, Maxine invited Mia to a bar. A get together of sorts and there he was. She hadn't noticed him at first. He was laid back and fairly quiet amongst the larger group. She hadn't paid much attention to him because his friends had strong personalities. They were part of the soccer team at Yale and their large stature paired well with their large laughs. Mia felt small in their presence. She was only 5'4 on a good day. But something about being around them felt comforting. It was as though they could care less that she was Maxine's friend. They had long ago accepted Maxine and anyone good with Max was good with them.

As she settled onto her stool she caught his eye only once. He was across the table from her. Close enough for her to read his features but far enough away that they couldn't comfortably talk. She took in his soft blue eyes and easy-going smile as he brushed his long wavy hair away from his face. He blushed slightly as he caught her watching unabashedly.

She had never encountered someone like him. Sure she had had boyfriends who were objectively cute or handsome. Plenty of them had been gorgeous by any standard. But Drew was different. She felt drawn to him in a way she had never felt before. She couldn't pull her yes away as her lifted his half empty beer up, toasting her from his side of the table. She lifted her drink in return. The sting of too strong vodka hitting her in the back of the throat. She swore she caught him smile as she swallowed the bitter tonic with effort. After that, she didn't make eye contact with him again.

---

"Did you have fun?" Maxine draped an arm over her shoulder as they walked out of the bar. Ulysses on Stone Street had a way of making them lose track of time. Somewhere between drink one and five the larger group had migrated from the bar to the dance floor. She had lost track of Drew in the shuffle and was now dragging Maxine out of the bar with great effort.

"I did I did. It was fun." She left the weight of the pause hang in the air. Mia was never quite sure what to say when it came to follow-ups about nights. She didn't want to oversell. If she did it would come across as disingenuous. Something along the lines of "It was SO fun" would come out and Max would know she was lying.

The opposite end of the spectrum was to play it off like tonight was no big deal. Because in reality, it should be no big deal. Mia wasn't ancient. She was barely twenty-four. She should still be going out to bars and dancing with friends and flirting with mysterious men. She knew she should, but lately she didn't have the motivation.

She turned her head towards Maxine. She was easily distracted by a flash of men coming out the opposite side door of Ulysses. Mia caught the flash of a navy t-shirt and the wavy brown hair as he walked down the block away from the girls.

Good, let him go. She didn't need or want anyone right now. She wasn't looking for a person in her life. She had a myriad of men who served their purposes so it's not like she needed one more in the roster.

She felt Max stand up to take a deep breath in, fully assuming she'd soon be sick in the street. Much to her surprise, Max stood up and yelled at the top of her lungs "Mikeeeeeeee" prompting not one but all of the soccer team to turn around.

When Mia locked eyes with Drew she lost her breath. It wasn't the eye contact. It was absolute force she felt being pulled towards him as if they were connected by an invisible string. She stood stock still as the men came closer expressing profusive apologies for having lost Mia and Max on the dance floor.