As Sin

firsts

Xia wasn't his first friend.

Nate always liked playtime the most. It was one of the few times he could play with all his classmates without being scolded. Playing with everyone meant being able to play all the games, everyone liked something different.

However, Xia would always go off somewhere else, reading the books they were assigned. When their teachers forced him to play, he would shut himself in the playhouse and refused to open the door to play shop.

"Don't talk to him," One of his classmates would grumble to him. "He's mean."

He didn't think Xia was mean. Xia just seemed grown up. Grownups were always grumpy, and they wanted to be alone for no reason. But at that age, he wasn't interested in going against what his friends thought.

On the fateful day they spoke, it was show and tell. Their teachers reminded them for the whole week before about it, but Nate still woke up only half remembering that something was supposed to be happening that day. He only had time to grab the first book he saw as he rushed out of the door.

It was when he was standing in front of everyone else that he realized that he wasn't holding a storybook. It was an old book of songs that his mother would sing to him as he drifted off to sleep. His cheeks tinged with embarrassment. He had sang in front of his friends before, but he felt nervous for the first time in his life, wondering if they would like songs they didn't know.

For the first time, he saw Xia raise his hand. Their teacher was too stunned to do anything but nod to let him talk.

"It's not my turn," Xia mumbled. "But I wanna play what I got when Nate sings."

She almost burst into tears at hearing Xia's voice. She nodded again, before looking at Nate.

"Of course, if it's okay with Nate?"

He didn't need to think twice.

"Yes, please."

Xia fumbled with something before standing up. Nate stared in awe at the sight of a child sized blue guitar slung across Xia's shoulder. Nothing had even happened between them yet, but Nate already thought Xia was the coolest boy in the universe.

He walked over to his side. Nate got over feeling starstruck in time to explain what he brought. The other boy looked over the pages of his book.

"I know this song," he said. "Sing that one."

He recalled the melody to the song in his head before nodding. With someone by his side, his nerves all disappeared. He opened his mouth to sing, and Xia got his guitar ready. When his voice came out, it felt like he was home. Singing made his heart beat faster, his body warmer. He loved knowing that people liked it when he sang.

It was his first time having someone play the guitar for him, too. Xia's guitar added something to his voice that he never knew he needed. It made putting his feelings into his voice easier and made him sing louder than ever. He wanted the whole world to hear him and Xia.

When it was done, there was a cheer in the room.

"Nate, you're so good!"

He turned to Xia. The boy was looking at him for a long time without blinking. All of a sudden, the grown up boy he had always seen looked so small. But there was something about him that was too big for his little frame to handle. Something about that hard stare, something about how he stayed quiet and waited for Nate to speak first. And he did.

"I thought only adults had guitars. I think you play like a grown up. I really like it."

Xia kept looking at him. His face was red. He looked down and shuffled his feet. Finally, he spoke.

"Thanks. I really like how you sing. Can we play another song after this?"

From then on, they were friends. Xia followed him everywhere, so they did everything together. They watched cartoons side by side. They hid under blankets, pretending to be out camping. Nate would chase him in the fields nearby their houses and always win. But most of all, Nate would sing for him while he played the guitar.

He forgot everything that came before Xia. It all didn't seem to matter any more. His other friends were fun, but they were nothing like Xia. With him, Nate felt like the most important person in the world. Xia was the first person that wanted to always be with him. He thought he was lucky to find a friend like him. He was probably the only person who liked him so much. He would have done anything to be friends with Xia forever.

What he remembered most from when they were that age was an incident where they were watching cartoons together. Xia complained, "I don't like Commander Red." 

Nate agreed with him, "I don't like him either."

Xia rolled over to look at him. Even back then, he had such dark eyes. It took all of his attention whenever Xia looked at him. He looked at Nate like he was the only thing he could see.

"Liar."

"I'm not a liar!"

"You don't care about Commander Red. You just don't like him because I don't like him," he said, before continuing, "We're different. What do you actually think?"

It was the first time he realized that he could think whatever he wanted. It would become something Xia would often say.

"What do you actually think?"
"What do you actually think?"
"What do you actually think?"