As Sin

aftermath

He fought the aching in his legs to drag himself along the sidewalk. The sunlight felt like it was boring in his skull and trying to make a pot roast of his brain. He didn't regret trying to walk all the way home, though. It was infinitely better to be caught being hungover than for Cindy to be tangled in whatever was going on with him. She had done too much for him as it was. He wished their reunion hadn't been such a sad event. He would make it up to her. He had to.

He was deep in thought trying to figure out when they could meet again when he heard a commotion nearby. He quickened his pace. A scuffle was not part of his to-do list. It might have been the afternoon, but wasn't it a bit too early to start roughhousing? He heard a yell, and reflexively ducked his head when a door burst wide open in front of him. Xia stumbled out onto the sidewalk. He was still dressed like he was the night before, but it looked like he had gone through hell. Sweat poured down his brow, his hair stuck out at odd angles, and there was blood running down his nose. Nate stared in bewilderment.

It took a while for Xia to gather himself to look up at him. When he did, his eyes grew wide, and he grabbed him by the collar. It nearly choked him as Xia pulled him down to his height to look at his face. His eyes scanned him up and down and he pushed his face from left to right to get a good view of him. His gaze was wild and desperate, like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. He felt like a hallucination from the way Xia was looking at him. A ghost, a personification of the madness they shared. Surely, Xia was so overwhelmed that he imagined Nate into reality. The fear in his eyes was so overwhelming that it was seeping into him, too. He felt Xia's emotions like they were his own.

He stared back at Xia. There were dark circles under his eyes. The whites of his eyes were tinged with red. His lips were dry and cracked. Nate reached out to wipe the blood on his face. It seemed to snap him out of his frenzy.

"Nate? Is that really you? Are you okay?" he asked in a rapid-fire tone. He gestured for Xia to release him before nodding. Xia sighed. Right afterwards, he began to shake him furiously. "You fucking dumbass! Where did you go? I came home and no one was there! Why didn't you call me?"

He blinked. The hangover made it a bit too difficult to make sense of Xia's yelling. But when it hit him that Xia didn't hate him, he was so relieved that he felt like throwing up. The sun became less painful and the sounds going on around them became joyous instead of grating. Life was beautiful and it had been all along. He could live, he could sing, he could jump all around.

The smaller man stopped shaking him long enough for him to respond. He felt dizzy. He looked around for a moment to get a hold of himself. There was so much to say. He didn't die! He could sing! Maybe! But most importantly, he met Cindy again! He couldn't wait for Xia to meet her, too.

"I got..." he started to speak while fighting off another wave of nausea. "Really drunk. Fuck, I think I only had alcohol in my system yesterday," he mused. "I wonder how I didn't die."

The gears were turning in Xia's head. "You didn't eat at all yesterday and you got drunk?"

He shrugged and said, "You'd be one to talk."

"That's not funny," his best friend said through gritted teeth. "Were you trying to die? Tell me exactly what happened to you."

His mouth opened and closed wordlessly. Nothing got past Xia. He didn't want to admit that he was trying to drink himself to death. For one, it was humiliating. On the other hand, he didn't know how Xia would take it. The more it nagged at him, the more a part of him wanted the man to feel guilty. If he felt guilty, maybe he would scoop him up and take care of him. He'd try to make up for everything. He would have all of Xia's attention because how could he ever abandon his best friend who he almost drove to death? Xia would never ever hurt him again.