Shattered - A Rape Story

What Can You Say Now

"Elisabeth Moor?"

"No. Well, I mean yes but she... she likes to be called Lily. Her name is Lily" Eric explained as he stood up for her.

The doctor nodded looking at him sympathetically.

"She's going to be okay. We'll need to keep her for a few days so we can monitor her recovery from the surgery and then I'd like to refer her to the Child Youth and Family Program on our Psychiatric Ward where she can undergo some counseling to help her cope with the trauma but other than that she'll be okay. All she needs is some time and a good support system."

"Can I see her now?" Eric asked anxiously.

"Of course."

He charged past the woman ignoring everyone left behind him in the waiting area as he raced to his baby sister's side. He knew what the doctor said. He knew she was there. But he couldn't relax until he saw her awake and breathing with his own two eyes. She was all he had. He couldn't lose her. Other than Vanessa she was his entire world. He stopped dead at her door frame when he saw her. She was staring out the window at the rain. Something was different on her face. There was a sadness in her eyes that devastated him. It was only then when he began to feel nervous. What could he say? What was he supposed to do to make this better?

He took a deep breath walking toward her bedside. She jumped ever so slightly at the sound of the footsteps and a wave of panic washed over her until she was able to see it was Eric. He took a seat at the end of her bed facing towards her.

"How are you feeling?"

"My back's sore" she said after a moment.

"That's where they operated. Do you want me to ask for more morphine?" he asked quickly taking a look to exam the IV bags seeping into her veins.

"No, I'm fine."

He nodded slightly keeping his eyes on her while she focused her attention on a loose thread in the blanket.

"The... The nurses don't know... What happened to him?"

"You mean..." He began to ask if it was Chris she was referring to but found he couldn't even think the name without bunching his fists.

She nodded sensing where he was trying to go. He scooted closer taking her hand.

"He's in county for now. They're holding a sentencing hearing tomorrow and after that he'll be shipped to state."

"For how long?"

"They're asking life. It's likely they'll get it."

She nodded still unable to find the strength to meet his eyes.

Don't cry. Please don't cry.

She couldn't help it. Suddenly the tears just came pouring out.

"I'm sorry" she sniffed quietly wiping them from her cheeks.

"Don't apologize. It's okay to cry."

"It's all my fault."

"Lily-"

"No, Eric. Don't do that. It is my fault. People don't just do that sort of thing. I-I must've made him think it was okay. I had to of done something. There's no other explanation. It's my fault."

"No. No, you don't get to do that. You didn't do anything understand? Do you understand me, Lily? This was his fault. He did this. You did not ask for it. You did not deserve it. This was not your fault. He's sick. He's a sick individual that hurt a defenseless little girl. If this happened to April would you be telling her it's her fault?"

"No, but-"

"Then that's it. No buts. You're not an exception to a rule here, Lil. It wasn't your fault. You don't get to make it that way. You've been hurt but it's over now. Do not let him take your self-worth. Do not let him take any more from you."

She broke down sobbing into her big brother's arms and curled up against him. She was sad. She was angry. She was hurt. She was confused.

She just needed to cry.