Shattered - A Rape Story

Healing

"That's gin. I win again" Lily boasted laying out the cards for April to see.

"I swear to God, I'm not even letting you win" she sighed reshuffling the deck.

"This is getting a little pathetic then isn't it?" PJ mused from the corner.

"Shut up. I beat you in go fish."

Lily smiled sipping her water as she drew her attention to the window view. It was the first sunny day they'd had all week which was fitting to the way she was beginning to feel. Things were still hard. She wasn't sleeping much if at all. The nightmares that had plagued her after her parent's death had returned but this time Chris' face and voice haunted the darkness that night brought. She couldn't close her eyes without seeing his smile, his snarl, his threatening eyes, his bare body moving over her. She could hear his laugh and his moans, feel his fingers caress her skin or wrap around her throat... It never stopped. The memories of those 4 days of hell were always there. Everyone could see how it affected her. It had taken 5 days for her to be able to smile again and they'd still yet to hear her laugh. But that one small smile had brought hope to everyone around her that the after effects of the attack would soon fade and she might be able to be more herself again.

"Hey, kid" Eric greeted walking into the room. He kissed her on the head setting the bag of McDonald's on the bedside table. "Thought you could use a break from hospital food."

"You're a very good big brother" April said stealing a fry.

"He's still out there" Vanessa announced taking a seat in the chair next to Lily's bed.

Lily bit her lip unsure of how to handle the situation. It'd been a week since the police showdown and in all those 7 days Brandon hadn't come in to see her once. He sat outside her room all day everyday only leaving to shower or if Lily came out so she didn't have to see them. He thought she hated him and no one had been able to convince him otherwise. She kept trying to go out to talk to him but the squeaking of the IV she was forced to carry around gave her away and he took off before she could get to the hall. In Brandon's mind he was doing her a favour by staying away but all Lily wanted to do was talk to him.

"Can someone please tell him again that I want to see him?"

"It doesn't do a lot of good."

"Jesus, what do I have to do, write him a note?"

"Might help."

"Okay. Everyone out. Vanessa, you're the only one that doesn't scare him. Make him get in here."

2 minutes later Brandon hesitantly took a step into the room.

"Hi" he called out catching her attention.

"Hi" she responded watching him shift uncomfortably in the doorway. She looked away realizing this might be a mistake as the tears began to well up in her eyes. "Are you honestly this disgusted by me?"

"What?"

"I can take the hint, B. You won't even look at me."

"No, please. It's not that" he said rushing to sit next to her then stopping unsure if that would be okay. He settled on sitting in the chair Vanessa had occupied earlier.

"Then what? I mean, are you mad at me? Do you blame me?"

"No. Lily, I would never blame you for this."

"Then what is it?"

"I blame myself, okay? I mean the things I said to you... I figured you must hate me."

"I don't."

"I should've listened to you. You tried to tell me but I wouldn't listen. I could've stopped it. I should've been there to protect you."

"You did. You did protect me. You went after your best friend at knife point for me. I don't know what would've happened if you hadn't come in."

"You tried to tell me. I could've made it all stop."

"I understand why you said what you said... You trusted him. He was your family. I'd do the same thing if I was you. I might've gone even a little further. Maybe key your car."

"I don't deserve you being this nice to me."

"Brandon" she sighed shifting a little closer. "Stop. You made a mistake. And if I really tried, I could focus on that and find a bunch of hatred inside of me- enough to make me never want to see you again. And I hate saying this", her eyes welled with tears, "but sometimes it's really hard not to. I can't lie... The things you said really hurt me, and I think they always will. But there's nothing we can do to change that. I get why you did what you did. You didn't know- why should I blame you for that? I can't blame you for any of this because it wasn't your fault; no matter what you want to convince yourself. It's his fault. I hate him. I could hate you too but I don't want to. I don't want to push you away. I want you here. I want you in my life. I want you here if you still want to say."

"Of course I want to stay. I want to stay right here by your side every day for the rest of my life. But I can't ever forgive myself for this."

"Well, you have to try. I need you now."

"I love you, Lily."

"I love you" she said brushing his hair back.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" he managed to get out before breaking down in sobs. She kept running her hands through his hair as he laid his head onto the blanket covering her legs.

"Will you still run away to the Ukraine and raise goats with me?" she whispered in his ear.

He chuckled remembering their conversation from the other week. At this point it felt like a lifetime ago. She smiled at the sound of his laugh. She wanted to listen to it forever.

"I would go anywhere with you" he said lifting his head up to stare into her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I can't believe this happened. I'm so sorry" she whispered starting to tear up herself.

"You don't get to be. We'll get through this. I'll be right here the whole time. I'm not going anywhere. I'm never going anywhere."

"Promise?"

"Promise.

Okay, guys that's the end! If you've stuck around this long thank you so much for reading and I really hope you liked it. If you have any requests for stories based off certain people/characters please feel free to comment or inbox me and I'll see what I can do. Again, thanks for reading! x