Still Falling | ✓

21 | only

Finn

*

Right after the spa trip with Elliot, I was immediately sucked into more work related activities at the office. During my last hour there, Elliot ran me through a summary of the company's activities in the past year. I had tried to keep up with them during my first few months away, but I stopped reading the emails one day and when my commentary stopped, so did the emails.

Elliot didn't ask, so I assumed he thought it was my silent way of asking for a break. A break that lasted for too long, which meant I had a lot of new information to take in.

While I sat opposite him, scrolling through slides on my iPad, he got a stack of papers and called in the secretary. She came in and he handed them to her.

"Have them scanned and emailed to Mr Harris."

"Alright, sir."

After the doors shut after her, I dropped the tablet abruptly with a groan. "Christ. I forgot how much work this is. I think I want to return to Zürich," I commented offhandedly.

I was met with total silence, which prompted me to look up to meet Elliot's narrowed eyes. Lips set in a grim line, it was evident that he wasn't having the joke.

"I can hardly tell when you're serious or not anymore. It kind of scares me, but I hope to God that you're joking right now."

"I was joking," I said quickly.

"You better be," he slumped and his forehead met with the surface of the table. "Fuck. I hate you for that. You have no idea how triggering that was." His voice was void of any humor. He meant every word of what he was saying, and that made me sad for him. For what I'd done to him, and my aunt, and everyone else who genuinely cared about me. I'd done nothing but alienate myself. And to think that I almost didn't attend his wedding... what was I thinking?

"I'm sorry, Elliot. I didn't mean to upset you."

He rose his head and shook it. "No, you shouldn't be apologizing. A lot of shit happened, enough shit to throw anyone off balance. Go home, go rest. Before you suggest we go drink again."

I didn't resist, didn't fight it, because I did want to return to my apartment. It meant I'd get to see her, and all the anxiety and heaviness and worry in my head and heart would be reduced to nothing. I wanted to vent about everything, right down to the small details because somehow, I was sure she'd listen. I knew she'd make me feel better about things when it seemed impossible.

I could trust her with my secrets. I'd done so before, and felt happy about doing it again. It sucked the life out of me having it inside all the time.

I wanted to see her so bad that I gave Elliot a thumb's up and signalled for Parker who was sat on a leather chair at one corner of the office. He grabbed my things and we headed out.

A part of me questioned if this was healthy. If latching on to her and craving her presence every minute of every day would do me any good, especially when there was a glaringly high probability of a future when I would be without it. A future where she could decide she didn't want anything to do with me anymore, and disappear from right under my nose again. And for good this time.

Then you just have to enjoy it now. While she's still here.

Thoughts of her were stuck in a loop in my head, making me antsy like I'd never been before. When my phone rang, it took me a few seconds to register it as mine. It was Genevieve.

"How did your meeting go?"

"It went well. Everyone is in favor of me taking over."

"That's a relief."