to (name), the person i accidentally fell in love with.
you'te so pretty it's unreal. all my friends say you're not the best but to me you're just so gorgeous and i love your eves so much i don't know if anyone ever told you that but they're so mesmerising i could stare at them for hours.
every single thing reminds me of you. i remember everything you ever said to me and every little interaction we had, from the post it notes to the badminton match. i don't know if you even think of me sometimes.
it's like you're stuck in the back of my mind and every time i try to get rid of you you just come back. maybe im chronically insane or maybe i'm a masochist for falling in love with you repeatedly.
maybe its the affection you unconsciously give me, but it makes me feel so special. maybe it's the touches or words that feel a little too affectionate. maybe it's just you and me and the empty feeling of our hearts if that even makes sense.
i used so many tiktok manifestation sounds, spent so many nights tossing and turning in my bed thinking of you, your presence never leaving my thoughts.
even my friends said something would eventually happen, so why do we never cross the eye contact during class stage.
i don't even know what to say or do anymore. i could sit and talk about you for hours, and how much you mean to me and how much you hurt me.
we're the definition of on and off.
you're the moon and i'm the sun. no, we arent that different from each other in my opinion, you're not heartless and void of emotions as one would describe the moon, and i'm not the brightest ray of sunshine out there,
but we're the sun and moon for we live in the same galaxy, and yet our paths are unable to intertwine, and the stars around me taunt me at my helpess case.
please stop giving me mixed signals, one day you're being rude although you talk to me more than usual, and the next you're being all sweet and it feels like your eyes lit up when i smiled.
your expression literally softened, i would know, for you were the only thing i was looking at. your face is like a magnet, whenever my eyes drift they always seem to find their way back to you.
even my best friend is tired of me talking about you all the time, so please, for the love of god, just love me back.
you're the only one who can fill this empty spot in my chest. i've tried to fill it with strangers i met online, people that reminded me of you in a way, but nothing made my stomach erupt with butterflies the way you do.
because at the end of the day, you're the person i want to come home to. you're the person i want to tell how my day went. you're the person i want to share my happiness, sadness, and affection with.
hey, it's me again. it's been a while since i wrote this. it's currently June and i wrote this in January. howerver, my feelings still haven't changed, sadly. it's been almost three years.
while i was away, i found out some shit abt you i wish i didn't.
i also realised i was pathetic, completely and utterly ridiculous, because no matter how many fake scenarios i made up in my head you never thought of me that way. it was all made up, it was all the fruit of my own delusions you were feeding because it amused you. but something such as "Us' never existed. there was never a you and i, it was always just me, alone, and you watching from the sidelines.
do you know how fucked up that is? the worst part is that most of it was intentional. did you even ever like me? find me pretty ? what am I even saying, of course you didn't, you just liked the attention i provided you with, you never liked me as a whole, no matter how much i try to convince myself.
just so past me writing this letter in jan knows, we were friends at one point. and we were so so so fucking close to being more but the fact that i am me and you are you just made it impossible. maybe if i wasn't myself we could've worked out.
I may sound stupid, but do you remember the night of the student council last meeting ? for some reason, you kept looking at me, and you even tried to confort me. it may sound stupid, but it felt as if you were looking at me for the first time all over again. like you were discovering someone new. what exactly was going on in your head at that moment ?
let me correct myself. you weren't looking at me for the first time again, you were looking at me like he didn't exist, and god, do you know how much that made me want to cry?
you know exactly who im talking about when i say him. actually, maybe you don't, cuz u fw every person in the grade. i even disliked one of my now close friends in the beginning of the year because you talked to them too much.
what i'm trying to say is, i don't want to be a second choice or maybe even more, i don't want to be just one of the bitches you can add to your trophy like a collection, i wanna be someone that matters to you because i fucking love you for the love of god and i have for the longest time, and i'm just so fucking sick of your games like i'm some toy you like to mess around with every week out of two when you randomly remember i exist.
I'm past the point where I'm hopelessly hoping for some sign or for something to happen between us. me being upset over the fact you unfollowed me on insta may be petty, but you made it seem like it was your way of cutting ties with me.
if that's how you want it to happen, then be it. just make up your mind and let me move on. Or don't. it's up to you, i'm done with your shit.
so this is me saying goodbye and talking to you about what we had because we never talked. and i intend to keep it that way.
farewell, (name) <3. may we never cross paths again.
sincerely, kazuha k.
a/n: you might have been expecting a love story, but you got a story about love. see the difference ?
