Tommyinnit as Bakugo Katsuki (dsmp x mha)

Chapter 5: Golden Apples are Awesome

Tw: suicidal thoughts
Talk of murder
Injury

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Tommy POV:

I have decided that computers are awesome.
Even though I can't explode stuff in real life until my hands heal, I can explode stuff in the computer. Deku showed me some amazing computer games and now it's my favorite thing ever. Well, not the fighting games. I've already seen enough of that in person. Stealing and griefing bases until I get banished, just like the old days. 'Wow, that was a long time ago.' I started getting lost in my thoughts. I don't remember how old I was exactly but I was young. Some of my first memories are stealing from Gogy and getting shot at by Dream. Those were the good old days, when there weren't any serious wars and there wasn't as much fighting. Wilbur was nicer, we hadn't done any drugs. Techno's voices weren't as bad. I thought that Phil would never let anything bad happen to any of us. Oh how wrong I was.

I didn't see the computer screen anymore. All I saw was Phil's sword in Wilbur's chest. The look on my father's face as he killed his son. The blood staining his hands. What was left of l'manburg.

I hadn't even noticed that I started crying until I wiped away my tears. I can't do this anymore. I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve any of this.

I should just see if Dream will let me go back to him. Hopefully he won't give me too bad of a punishment.

Wait.
What?
What am I thinking?
As soon as he sees me, he'll kill me.
And then of course he'll revive me.
And that will happen again.
And again.
And again.
Until.
I'm nothing.
Not anything.
Not anymore.

I ran as fast as I possibly could all the way to my base. I needed to break something. I needed to punch something. I took my pickaxe and mined until my arms all but gave out. I screamed at the top of my lungs and sobbed into a world of questions and self hatred.

Why? Why do I have to live? What do I have to live for? I hate myself. I'm just an idiot.

I climbed out of my base, chopped down some trees. It's nighttime now. I don't feel sad anymore. I don't feel happy. I don't even feel angry. What am I feeling? Why don't I know?

"Hello Tommy." Dreams voice made me freeze in my tracks. I couldn't pinpoint the direction. His voice seemed to be coming from everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

'It's not real. It's just a hallucination.' I insisted to myself. I tried to believe it but my brain wasn't corroborating.

Stupid.
Idiot.
He found you.
Die.
Shut up.
He'll kill you again.
Let him kill you.
DreamXD knows you deserve it.
Maybe you should try to kill yourself.
Moron.
Weak.
You should've just succeeded the first 2 times you tried.

'What the fuck brain?!' I tried to ignore the thoughts, looking at the axe in my hand and getting into a defensive stance. Just in case.

"Okay Tommy," I muttered "He's not real. You left him for good when you ran away. Stop being such an idiot. You're fine."

"Oh Tommyyy~"

"Get the fuck away from me!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, my voice cracking from the fear.

I'm not safe here. Not out in the open. I have to hide. He can't know I'm here.

I ran to my base, closing the trapdoor behind me and making sure the fallen log covered any trace of it completely. I heard frantic footsteps and then someone talking.