No One But Me

Chapter 1 - Breaking Away

Almost everyone in the Jackson community were in attendance at the barn dance tonight. Children of all ages were playing and running around the town hall and the streets of Jackson, the crisp autumn air filled with their laughter and the sound of country music playing. The adults danced in pairs on the hardwood floor space of the town hall as a small group of community members with different musical instruments played country tunes. Others stood around the floor drinking cider and beer and talking about the upcoming harvest, how mild the weather had been lately, and how Jackson needed more reasons to celebrate like this more often. It was 8pm and the festive spirit of the night had just begun.

You sat at one of the round tables dotted around the town hall with a glass of punch in your hand, your eyes following the couples gliding around the dance floor. The men and women looked so cheerful as they moved in sync to the music, their actions appearing automatic and effortless, the joy in their smiles and laughs undeniably infectious to the other town folk who were watching from the sidelines. Most of them were married couples but some of them were domestic partners, ranging in age from late teenagers right up to the most senior members of the community.

The courtship and reproductive aspects of the circle of life were crucial points of interest for many people in Jackson. Despite the hardships of the reality of the end of the world, life within the walls of the Jackson commune were quite simple; everyone was assigned jobs to ensure the town functioned successfully, people dated and married and had children, and everyone had a role to fulfil regardless of their skill level. As a young woman, your own dreams and hopes for the future were quite traditional; you wanted a life partner who would compliment you perfectly, someone to have children with and grow old with. Your desires were modelled on your own parents relationship and deep down in your heart, losing them at 12 years of age left you with a fear of abandonment and the need for the security of a family of your own. The yearning for this had grown vehemently recently, perhaps punctuated by some of the milestones achieved within your friendship circle - an engagement, a wedding, a new baby.

Your smile, small and sad, curls against the lip of the glass as you take a sip of punch. You had been asked to dance a few times and you enjoyed the company of your girlfriends, but there was only one person you wanted to dance with, and he was never going to indulge you in that desire.

He wasn't at the dance tonight. He hated going to events like the barn dances. He hated socialising any more than he had to, evident in the way he carried himself during day to day life living in Jackson; stalking wordlessly to and from his patrolling shifts and eating times at the mess hall, a scowl permanently etched on his face. Joel Miller arrived in Jackson several years ago and had never made any close friends or spoke much to anyone. His brother Tommy and his daughter, Ellie, seemed to be the only people who knew Joel well. You did, too, although you knew a different Joel to the one anyone else did. And you knew Joel wouldn't be at the dance tonight, nor would he be overly happy that you were there.

Noting the time on the large clock perched on the hall wall, you finished the rest of your punch and stood up to leave the dance. It really was so much fun to chat with other towns people and so entertaining to watch the others dance, but Joel would be waiting for you. Mumbling apologies and half hearted excuses of feeling tired to your friends, you slipped out of the town hall and trekked to Joel's house under the cloak of the night sky, making sure to avoid the main street and weave through the back yards lest someone see you.

When you approached the side door of his house, your heart was thumping with anticipation in your chest, just as it always did when you met up with him in the clandestine meetings that had been happening now for the past 8 months. It was a secret and always had been. You did not want it to be, though - your feelings for him ran deep in your heart and soul, and truthfully you had been in love with him for since the first night you stumbled into his home and and allowed him to devour you. You never voiced these feelings because you knew Joel never wanted a relationship, never wanted anything official, although your affection for him was clear. Clear in the way you cuddled up to him after sex, how you baked muffins and banana bread for he and Ellie, how you buried your face in his chest after he returned from a rough patrol shift, the mesmerised, pained look in your eyes when he pounded into you. You wore your heart on your sleeve and Joel did not acknowledge it, somehow ignoring the depth of your affection with mumbles and pats on the head and gruff cuddles. Your heart was constantly on the verge of breaking, but you couldn't help being tied to him, your body and brain both addicted to him in the alluring and unexplainable haze of chemical, animalistic attraction, the innate need to be protected and fucked and owned by an older, domineering man. If only you could've chosen one more kinder than Joel Miller.