No One But Me

Chapter 14 - Lost In The Dark

Despite standing up for yourself, Joel was able to convince you to spend most of your free time at his house. Fortunately for you, your friends rarely visited your cottage so you didn't have to worry about explaining your absence if they came knocking on your door. You still sneaked undetected through the back door of Joel's house, coming and going to and from work like some sort of ghost.

He had gotten what he wanted, as usual. But over the next few weeks Joel had noticed subtle differences in your behaviour toward him. One of the main changes that he could distinguish was that you had become less physically affectionate. You no longer ran your fingers through his hair spontaneously, or stood on your tiptoes to kiss his nose to greet him after work. You didn't slip into his lap and curl against him like a kitten seeking warmth. As this crucial part of the relationship faded away, Joel came to realise just how much he craved the contact and connection with you. He felt like you were both lost in the dark and he couldn't reach you.

You still washed his clothes and cooked for he and Ellie, still cared for him and fulfilled household duties, but there was an unmistakable lack of emotional intimacy in how you interacted with him. You no longer initiated conversation and when you did speak, your voice was hushed. You rarely looked him directly in the eye. Sometimes Joel would catch you quietly staring at nothing, your eyes dull and sad. You just didn't seem disheartened; your spirit seemed to be completely broken. It began to worry him.

Joel would still fuck you most nights and he would still make you cum on his dick or his mouth or his fingers. Your body was still receptive to Joel's touch and he could feel how hungry your pussy was for him by how wet you got. The sexual chemistry between you had always been explosive and Joel still took smug pride in his ability to manipulate your body and pleasure you. But your moans and cries were no longer wanton. The submissive role you always assumed during sex somehow became more impassive; several times he noticed the disconnected blankness in your eyes, and his palm itched to slap your face just to illicit some kind of reaction from you.

For the first time ever, Joel had consciously stopped himself from taking advantage of you in order to dominate and hurt you. He was careful not to verbally demean you as he fucked you. Joel didn't demand blowjobs and when your period came he settled for your hand jerking him off until he shot a load of warm sticky cum onto his soft stomach.

Joel would be lying if he said he didn't care, that it didn't bother him. Throughout your time together he had never worried about your feelings for him, never needed to panic about whether or not you wanted him. Now, however, Joel felt a sickening panic deep inside himself that you no longer loved him and needed him.

It was impossible for Joel not to worry or ruminate. It was in his nature. And he had spent more time contemplating the night of your confrontation than he would ever care to admit.

You were right. Joel could concede to that. It was just something that had never crossed his mind. And so when you raised the question, it rocked Joel to his very core.

You had made the point when you brought up Ellie in that arguement - what if Ellie had been the one who had been violated instead? It was a rhetorical question, ofcourse. It was obvious what Joel would do; he would go on a rampage of carnage and torture whoever was responsible for hurting her. He would be so blinded by rage that he would slaughter anyone who got in his way. Even the mere idea of something so vile happening to Ellie made Joel's skin crawl with fury.

But what gave him the right to do what he did to you? You had asked that question during the argument too, and now Joel asks himself the same thing. At the time Joel was so incensed that he lost all sense of rationality. The jealousy and wrath had overtaken him. Heart and mind, body and soul.