No One But Me

Chapter 4 - Restraint

When Joel saw you sitting with Oscar in the cafeteria at lunch time he couldn't automatically decipher just what was happening before his eyes. In the time Joel had known you, you never socialised so openly with men, and certainly not with any men like Oscar. To witness you sitting and eating lunch with an older patrolman - one of his colleagues, no less - had bewildered Joel. It took a few seconds for the shock to dissipate.

Then the heat of anger ignited in his stomach and instantly engulfed his whole being. It travelled up his spine and licked at his neck, causing his skin to prickle in agitation. It surged through his arms and into his fists. It took a great deal of restraint for Joel not to stride over to the table and punch Oscar in the face, then drag you out of the place by your hair.

He knew you wanted more from him. Things he just wasn't capable of giving you. Joel figured your little tantrum would pass - you'd realised how dramatic and ridiculous you were being and nestle right back underneath him, where you belonged. But this was completely unexpected. Joel had never really believed you would have the confidence or desire to actually leave him, or find someone else.

Joel was good at hiding his feelings. He had been practicing it for many years now. His patrol partner had no inkling of the storm raging inside Joel when he said he'd wait outside. No one could've guessed. Except perhaps you.

You'd known Joel well enough by now to know when he was displeased. You also knew that your actions would have consequences. But your audacity was what shocked and angered him right now. What the fuck did you think you were doing? How dare you sit with a man in public like that, let alone someone older than you? And another fucking patrolman, at that.

When he walked outside and eventually regulated his breathing, when he successfully constrained the rage threatening to spill from his mouth and hands, and he could think clearly once again, he knew what he needed to do. You just needed a little punishment, some kind of reminder of who you belonged to. Who owned you.

******

After lunch you and Oscar returned to the library and resumed working on your individual tasks, although the fullness in your belly had dulled your productivity and gusto. Oscar continued to paint the wall beside the front door, humming quietly to himself whenever conversation between you lulled. There were gaps of comfortable silence as you both worked, neither of you finding it necessary to fill the quiet, instead just basking in the peaceful afternoon of the library.

You tried not to let your mind wander back to Joel and the way he looked at you and Oscar. You could never be completely sure of exactly what he was thinking or feeling, although it was safe to say he was not pleased. Not pleased at all.

But that shouldn't matter, you told yourself, we aren't together. I shouldn't care what he thinks.

Anyway, Joel was on the late patrol today so he would just have to deal with it. For now.

It was just after 3.30pm when you finished the last of the cataloguing and shelving. You leaned against a book shelf and tried to stifle a yawn unsuccessfully. You heard Oscar chuckle.

You looked over to see him watching you from his position by the wall, his hands on his hips. He had taken off his sweater and was now wearing a crumpled grey tshirt with daubs of paint here and there. You could see the curve of his biceps peeking out from under the sleeves of his shirt, displaying his smooth olive skin.

"Bit sleepy over there?" He grinned.

You smiled bashfully and just nodded, then stretched your arms out to your sides and sighed wearily. Oscar turned back to the wall and looked it up and down.