My Name Is Depression

Chapter 19

Warning: violence & rape

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It had been a week after that terrible incident. And he's been missing for a week now. They were having difficulty finding him. It seems as though he had thought about how he would get away if something like this occurred.

My family is doing everything they can to help me and guide me in the right path. To keep myself and the rest of us secure, they made sure that police officers were patrolling the area both inside and outside the house.

I've observed that Tita Tina has become quieter than usual. Nakikita ko rin na kinakausap ito ni Mommy para kumustahin. Maybe she's still in shock at what a monster her husband is. She even keeps her distance from seeing me.

I lay down on my parent's bed, hugging my pillow, and turned to my left side. They urged me to sleep in their room as soon as we got home. I can no longer stay in my room, according to them. Knowing that my room has witnessed those dreadful occurrences makes them certain that I could experience an attack.

"Maya, can I come inside?"

Tinignan ko kung sino ang pumasok sa kwarto at nakitang nakasilip doon si Abejuela. I nodded at her while still hugging my pillow.

She sat down beside me and held my hand.

I was watching her while she's biting her lower lips, trying not to cry. Nakikita ko na rin na paiyak na siya dahil namumula na ang mata niya.

She was weeping and murmured, "I-I'm really sorry." Later, she started crying, causing her cheeks to flush.

When memories start to flash through my head, I close my eyes. My neck is being choked, my cheeks are being slapped, I'm being punched all over, and the cold metal of a pistol pointed in my waist.

I sobbed again when I remembered how I was able to handle it, and how I was able to keep everything to myself. I was suffering alone while trying to keep up with everyone around me.

"You don't deserve this..."

Hindi na niya napigilan ang sarili niya nang bigla niya akong yakapin. She was sobbing loudly, both of us. Sharing our pain with each other like it will lessen it.

"You should be mad at me... because I'm his daughter," she said, breathing heavily. "And he caused you this. You should be mad at us! But you and your parents, you didn't let me feel that I was at fault too just because he was my father. And it pains me even more that you're this kind!"

I hugged her tightly, letting her feel my warmth. Gusto ko na maramdaman niya na may masasandal siya, hindi kagaya ko noon na sarili ko lang ang mayroon ako. Na sarili ko lang ang nagpapatahan sa akin kapag umiiyak ako.

Hindi niya dapat sinisisi ang sarili niya. Wala siyang kasalanan.

I wanted so badly to speak and comfort her but I couldn't utter a single word. So, all I did was to hug her and let her feel that she's not alone.

"You didn't deserve this..." bulong niya. "Both of you didn't."

Naguguluhan man sa huli niyang sinabi ay tinulak ko siya nang marahan. We both sat down before I cupped her cheeks and removed her tears. I gave her a gentle smile while wiping her face. I even fixed her messy hair and clothes.

She cried even more while staring at me, letting me fix her.

"I wanted to know if this is the first time that he did this to you. Did he?" humihikbi na tanong niya.

Binaba ko ang kamay ko at tumitig sa kama.

No. This is not the first time, and I couldn't count how many times he did it.