Letters from a teenager with the mindset of an adult

Existence

At times, I wonder what it would be like to stop breathing.
To end the shallow, the deep, the soft, and loud breaths.
To close my eyes and simply not open them, not for forever, no.
But just so I may be able to finally think clearly.
Existing is hard but living is harder.
To feel the weight of my limbs, the effort it takes to just see clearly.
Death is not something I crave nor is it something I fear, it's more an old friend you pass by from time to time never really stopping to say hello and embrace.
Never stopping until it awaits on your door step, arms wide open, inviting and familiar.
For a while I'd like to just exist, to just float, to be weightless, to be both something and nothing at the same time.
Existence entices us while at times Survivng plagues us.