ghostwriter {joão felix}

twelve

stef pov

there would be a few days in between when last night's game was, and i knew this had to be the time i could finally do my job instead of being pulled in 2 different directions by 2 different guys. the day i received the call from the most prestigious publishing house in all of europe and was told i got to write for the supposedly charming and talented futbol star that is joão felix, i definitely didn't know what to expect but it was not this. i really am not sure how it feel.

the fact that joão had been acting as if we were dating, and i met him not so long ago makes me contemplate his true intentions. as much as it hurt me, i thought i had to talk to him about how i felt. i still also have not been able to advance with my book due to the fact that i have been wrapped up in all this romantic shit. i was supposed to be digging into joão's life, but he's been digging into my heart. if i don't get a move on soon, i will no doubt get fired. i get snapped out of my thoughts by joão's melodic voice saying,

"good morning." 

"morning." my fingers clacked away at the keys of my computer attempting to finish a [aragraph i was on.

"are you okay?" i heard the concern in his voice. my stomach twists and turns at the thought of telling him what i have been thinking and him taking it in the wrong way.

"yeah i just... can we talk?" his facial expression drops and he rises from his laying position to seated in his bed. 

"oh no what did i do." he tries to joke, but i can still hear the nervousness in his voice. i bite my lip slightly and blurt out,

"you didn't do anything. it's me, or... i don't know." i hesitate, "i just don't know how to feel. i have never done any of this romantic stuff with anyone, and being with you is amazing but it's preventing me from getting my work done." joão's lips press into a line. "i'm not saying i regret everything with you because it's been amazing, but i feel like everything moved so fast. we are acting as if we are in a relationship, but we aren't... i don't know it just all moved so fast and i feel like we should just slow it down a bit, you know? i feel like we barely know each other." his expression was unreadable and i couldn't tell whether he would be upset or okay with what i had told him. but what i truly knew was that if a connection was meant to be, you would be able to voice whatever you really felt and they would understand.

"i get it. i'm sorry if i pushed too far, i obviously was not expecting to feel this way about the person who would be writing my book." he mumbled while scratching the back of his neck. 

"no, please don't apologize. you didn't push too much, everything is just moving way too fast and i feel like if i let it continue i will never be able to get to do what i came here to do. would it be okay with you if we just took us a bit slower?" i questioned, trying not to sound too nervous. his lips pressed into a small grin and he nodded,

"of course." i couldn't help but smile too at his understanding, and returned to my computer. joão rised from his bed and rubbed his eyes, heading towards the bathroom. i remembered i had to ask him something and blurted out,

"hey, sit for a second i need to ask you something to continue my book." he sits down at the edge of my bed, waiting to answer. "so i need to start with digging into the beginning of your soccer career from your childhood. can you tell me about that?" i saw his content expression turn cold and unwavering in a matter of a second. joão looked down at his fingers, which he was picking at aggressively and i can tell i hit a nerve unknowingly. "joão, you good?" he ran his fingers through his hair and got up from the bed as quick as he could. unfortunately for him, i was quicker and caught his wrist in my hand before he could slip away. "hey, hey, what's wrong?" he clicked his tongue and uttered,