Glassy Dreams

Chapter 9

Hai Dard me tu bhi, hu dard me mai bhi,
Iss dard me hum dono ki hissedariyaan.
Bole bina ye aankhein, padhti hai teri baatein,
Aise hai roohon ki sajhedariyaan.
Maana ki Waqt laaya dooriyan,
Do pal ki hi toh hai majbooriyaan.

There weren't enough words that could describe the tranquility that had settled over Nandini in the last few moments. In Manik's arms, with his chin resting over her head, and her cheek resting over his heart, Nandini realized that the empty feeling she had tried to chase away the last eight months suddenly felt a lot more bearable. For once, she didn't feel like clawing out of her own skin - existing didn't feel like a job she didn't have the energy to do.

She felt his hold around her tighten every few seconds, and she could tell if there was one person who wouldn't need words to understand what she was feeling right then, it was him. Manik.

Her Manik.

She raised her head to look at him, and found his gaze fixed on her already. It made her lips curve up a little - unintentionally, but her tiny smile brought a reflex smile on his face.

"I almost thought I will never see you smiling for me again", Manik's voice was a whisper against the wind, and Nandini answered by resting her palm flat against his chest. His heart was thudding too loud and it was just her way of telling him what she didn't dare say out loud - she understood.

"I need to tell you something", Nandini finally spoke, gathering her courage and morality against the loud voices inside her head, "about your music. Your singing".

"No", Manik immediately cut her off, shaking his head, "No Nandini. I am sorry. I was way out of line with the way I spoke to you this morning about my music. I shouldn't have. I was just..angry. You aren't responsible for it. I will find a way to handle it.....by myself. You don't have to blame yourself. Keep yourself out of this -"

He stopped short when he realized the little smile on Nandini's face had died down, and her eyes were glistening with tears, again.

"Hey", he wiped the lone tear that had rolled down her cheek, and tilted her chin up. Nandini let him, but she continued to stare at him with what seemed to be the entire world's melancholy reflecting from her expressive doe eyes.

"I know -", she took in a deep breath, looking down instead, and Manik's brows furrowed in confusion before she continued, "I know that you stopped singing because you possibly internalized my words from that day - When I blamed you for choosing to make new music over me, over us. I blasted you for...", she paused, took a deep breath and looked up again meeting his eyes this time, "That award function night, my words, my pain - I put the entire burden on your music without realizing that -", she sighed, "that maybe you were coping someway through that very music. It was wrong of me. I am -", she looked away, "I am sorry Manik. I didn't mean to take away your music. I didn't mean to do this", she took a step away from him, feeling the lack of his warmth immediately, "I resented you not being there with me, but I think I chose a bad and misplaced way to go about it".

Manik was stunned. For a good moment, he just stared at her while she continued to look away. All these months, he had completely refused to acknowledge his own anger towards his music, and the real reason behind his struggle. But now that Nandini had put words to it, he was forced to accept it. She was right, wasn't she? He had taken her words to his heart, and let them seep into his Marrow until all he remembered was the bite in her tone instead of the lyrics, and her anger instead of the string of his guitar.

This silence between them, though, wasn't comfortable. Every second Manik spent looking at her, heightened the white noise inside her head. The voices weren't whispering anymore, they were screaming at her. It made her more nervous, more scared and more guilt ridden, all together.