Cursed to You (Velocity Series #1)

LORCAN I

EPILOGUE 1

"What do you want to become someday, Lorcan?"

My parents always ask that. Every year, when I was young.

"I don't know yet. There are too many options," I always answer.

What's the point of deciding when you're young if you won't pursue it when you're old anyway?

Sasabihin mong gusto mong maging piloto, astronaut, doctor, lawyer, businessman, tapos sa huli, wala sa mga 'yon ang pipiliin mo.

Life is fucking weird. Or should I say, people are so damn weird. The stages of life, too.

"Baka naman kasi gustong maging palamunin, tita?" si Tiago nang magyaya silang mag pool party sa bahay.

They often do this. Magyayaya, kakain, magkukuwentuhan. Ang dami na nga nilang nasirang buhay dahil kung sino-sino ang pinag-uusapan.

Hinead-lock ko siya, pero tang ina, ang bilis na nabago ang posisyon namin. Ako na ang sinasakal n'ya. I groaned and kicked him because I couldn't breathe anymore.

Si Mommy hindi man lang umawat! Sanay na kasi siya sa mga pinsan ko. And my cousins are harmful.

"You're taking advantage of your skills, Kuya!" si Ashanti sa gago n'yang kapatid.

"Sorry naman kung nalulong ako sa combat sports," mayabang n'yang sabi, kumuha ng cookies, sinakmol at tumalon sa pool.

Bago pa ako makasunod sa kan'ya, hinawakan ako ni Mommy. I looked at him, patiently waiting. She sighed.

"Don't worry about your grandfather. Your father and I will handle him. You don't have to carry all the responsibility in our company someday. Choose what you want, Kazzer."

Maybe I was only waiting for that line. Maybe I was pressured to choose what my grandfather wanted me to be. Maybe I knew from the start I wasn't allowed to choose what I want because I am an only child, that reason I couldn't choose what to be in the future.

"I want to be a performer. I've always wanted to share my music with everyone. Make music for someone or about my life. My heart beats like rhythm and melody..." I shared it with the whole class.

I was seven when I started to fancy instruments. Growing up, my father would always buy me the instruments I want and enroll me in every workshop I wanted. My mother would always support me. I have the best parents, even though I am a surrogate child. They loved me like I was completely theirs. Even though, scientifically, I am not.

It wasn't a big deal to me because they made me feel loved with no hesitation. Kailan man 'di ko nakwestyon ang turing nila sa akin. Kaya kung magkakapamilya ako, gusto kong family oriented din. Dahil sa gano'ng environment ako lumaki.

"Ano? May crush ka na ba sa school?" tanong ni Daddy.

"Wala, Dad. Wala akong natitupuhan. I only love music."

My Mom sighed. "Darling, if you think or feel you're different. Like, uhm, if you feel like you're confused about your gender-"

"Mom, I am not gay! I just don't like commitments. It's confusing and hard to maintain."

You'll do so much hard works just to feel something. Love, that's what they call it. The meaning of it becomes limited. Hindi lang naman sa tao 'yon pwedeng maramdaman. I can feel it from music, same as through with doctors who feel it every time they wear their stethoscopes, or soldiers who carry their guns or lawyers who prove someone's innocence. Love can be defined in various ways, and it can be felt in different forms.