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It took nearly twenty minutes to pick out all the glass and splintered wood embedded in my body. There was a significant amount lost in my now very messy updo, and I gave myself several new small cuts on my hands while I unbraided it.

By the time I was done detangling, enough time had passed that I was sure Tony wasn't going to come try to talk to me about anything. I wondered if anyone had even noticed I'd left.

Either way, I locked my door and took a shower, which ran long even for wash day.

I felt numb, like the situation hadn't really hit me yet, but I wasn't sure if I even wanted it to.

It was too much. I couldn't understand what had gone wrong. Just a few hours before, I was trying to hide that I wasn't disappointed in our failed trials. But now, somehow it had come together when we weren't there and people had gotten hurt.

And now everything was on the line.

Having an enemy in our files left us all extremely vulnerable. We all had our secrets.

But I had no idea how any of them, especially my father would react to my past. Not even I knew everything about myself, and I was terrified of what they would think of me if they ever found out.

I had been staying with Tony for over five years at that point. Five years I'd been lying to the person I cared about more than anything.

It wasn't a lie, really. But it certainly wasn't the truth. 

I couldn't remember the majority of my life before him, sometimes entire years missing from my memory altogether. Anything in between was too quick of a glimpse to make any sense of them.

I remember the fear, though. I don't know what from.

The crash was the most vivid memory, and it was rare to go more than a week without having a nightmare revisiting it.

But, like I said, it had been five years. 

Tony hadn't even brought up the situation since we left Malibu, and could never bring myself to try to talk to him about it. I had no idea what I'd even say.

It was a lot, keeping in all that pain. The truth was terrifying, and I needed to protect him from it.

I'd made the decision to tell him about it, if he ever asked. Pretend that I had just recently remembered the details and probably not tell him everything. But I didn't know if he ever would.

After the long few days I'd had, I wanted so badly to change into sweatpants and burrow under my covers, but rest seemed too far away. Instead I wrapped up my minor injuries before changing into the activewear I usually wore on missions and my usual combat boots (now glass-free).

I didn't bother with drying my hair, instead braiding it back into two neat large Dutch braids that hung down to my hands. I reapplied my makeup, needing to look stronger than I felt. I stared back at my reflection with a blank stare. 

I tried not to take it personally that Tony had never checked on me. It seemed childish to me, but I really wanted a hug.

I took a breath to center myself before turning and leaving my bathroom, grabbing my tablet off my desk before deciding I should probably head downstairs. Secretly I was in no rush to join the others in their search and only hoped I was able to sneak in as unnoticed as I had left.

It was quiet in the tower, moonlight spilling in from the floor length windows to illuminate the mess of broken glass covering the floor. I walked as silently as I could as I moved towards the lab, not even having to check to know that's where my father was. 

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