𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 (𝐂𝐅)

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐭𝐰𝐨- 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐀𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫

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I looked at the house. I sat on the top of my car, drinking wine I found in the cabinet, it was bitter but I didn't care. Everyone was inside, I knew going inside made it real, everything was fucked up. Cousins had never been so scary.

This house was my safe haven but tonight it felt like that scary house in a horror movie no one wants to go into. I take a large gulp of wine before jumping down and placing the bottle on the floor. I walk to the door opening it, the house was silent, it was a coldness to it.

I walk upstairs only to be met by the sounds of belly crying. I walk to my mothers door, they were all crying together. I rest my head on the door overcome with sadness. I open the door and close it behind me. They were all huddled up together holding each other as they cried.

"Um listen hunny there's some sad news about Susanna." My mother says through tears she could barely talk. "I know, Conrad told me." I say quietly. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys I really wanted to but it wasn't fair, she just wanted one last summer, one perfect summer." I was crying so loudly, I fall to the ground struggling for air. It was all real now, I couldn't handle my emotions they were all coming out at once.

I feel my mothers embrace around me, her tears landing on my shoulder. "Don't you dare apologise, come on." She grabs my hands pulling me up as we go over to the bed. I lie my head on Steven's shoulder.

We stayed like this for a good hour, eventually my mother had cried herself to sleep. My head hurt from crying, my vision blurry. I needed to go for a walk clear my head, I couldn't keep crying as much as I felt I wanted to.

"I'm going for a walk okay?" Steven nods his head, his eyes were closed yet tears still streamed out of them. I kiss belly's forehead as she had also finally feel asleep.

I tiptoe downstairs quickly going to the front porch grabbing the wine and heading back through the house and outback and to the beach. The wind waking me up as I drank the wine. I stumble over to the crashing waves letting the cold water hit my feet.

Tonight was supposed to be the happiest night for Susanna, I can't imagine what her and the boys are going through. I kneel in the water before resting my head onto the sand. It was peaceful here, the sound of the ocean calmed me, and with that I felt myself drift off.

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My eyes flicker open, the sun shining brightly in my face, I felt sick, I turn over throwing up onto the sand luckily my hair out of the way. I touch my hair as it was matted with sand. Thankfully cousins was one of the safest places, not even my wine was taken, though there wasn't that much of it left.

I sit up looking to my feet which had shrivelled up from being in the sea all night. I Stand up grabbing my flip flops and heading back to the house. I go inside and immediately shower. I get out and change, brushing my teeth, I already felt much better. I go back to the kitchen. Usually by this point Susanna would be down making breakfast, I knew what I had to do.

I grab all the ingredients for a full English breakfast and start preparing the food, playing music quietly from the radio. I finish making food as Conrad comes down the stairs. "Since when did you cook." He rubs his eyes stealing a grape from one of the plates.

"I've always cooked, um could you let everyone know there's food." I place the last of the food on the table. "Sure, hey look I'm sorry everything went to shit last night." He says as I turn to him.

"Don't apologise, it was nobody's fault." There was this awkward tension between us. Like we had so much to say to each other and we couldn't, not after everything that happened last night. "If it means anything, before Jere came over I-" I stumble on my words.

"I know." He nods his head before heading upstairs. I sigh taking a seat at the dining table. Eventually everyone starts to come down, all with our fry eyes and blushed cheeks from crying. "Look at you our little chef." Susanna kisses the top of my head on her way to her seat.

We all start to eat, no one saying a word, it was most silent this house had ever been. "Ok elephant in the room." Susanna stops eating drawing attention to herself.

"Yes I have cancer, yes I'm doing the trail. We've been through this before and we will get through it. But I will not have my babies moping around the house on the last few days here. That's an order okay?" The looks of relief washes over most of our faces. The boys must I've convinced her do to the trail.

I understand why she wouldn't want to do it again, I remember how ill she was during those years but it made her better and I'm so thankful the boys made her see that. "Well I was thinking we do a beach day, do a picnic while we're there?" Belly suggests as everyone agrees.

"Ok I'm gonna get my swim suit on!" She jumps up. "Yeah me too." I follow her upstairs, I go to my room quickly getting into a red bikini before going to Belly's room. "I like this swim suit on you." I say as she spins in it. "Why thank you." She giggles sitting on her bed.

"I can't believe all of this, I mean thank god the boys convinced her to do the trail right?" She says running her hand through her hair. "Honestly, you know she's going to be okay Bell's." I sit next to her grabbing her hand. "I know, just still sucks." She looks down trying not to cry again.

"Hey look I need to speak to you about something, with everything going on with Susanna I didn't know when to bring it it up but is there anything going on with you and Conrad?" I look up to her, she didn't look mad, she had no expression, belly was usually easy to read, but today I couldn't tell how this was going to go.

"Yes, and I wanted to tell you I really did but I didn't even know myself what was going on." I let out a nervous laugh. "Are you mad?" I ask still not knowing how she'll react.

"I would've been at the start of summer, not now." She squeezes my hands. "I always thought I was destined for Conrad, but I realised it was like a school crush, i liked him because I saw him every summer. Not like Jeremiah." She smiles to herself.

"I'm sorry for not telling you." She shakes her head pulling me into a hug. "You can talk to me whenever and about whatever. Anyways it was pretty obvious he always liked you." Something I didn't notice till this summer is how obvious it was, why he hated me, all the memories resurfacing, it had always been me.

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