welcome to trench

nightmare

"yeah"

i wake up to something twitching in the bed, is it morning already, i blink a few times rubbing my tired eyes but when i get a glimpse of the outside its still dark.

im confused but before i can think about why i shoot a look over at tyler, he's twitching and breathing heavily, i see tears prick in his pressed shut eyelids.

he's having a nightmare

i push my blanket off, the cold air hits my skin and i sit up, i grab his shoulders bending slightly over, his arms are burning hot, he isn't waking up.

i shake him with a little more force "tyler" my croaked voice says "tyler wake up" i keep on shaking him but his expressions seems to worsen.

soft crys escape his lips while he twitches, im started to get worried he isn't waking up so i keep on shaking him firmly pressing my hands around his upper arms.

"come on! wake up!" i tap on both his cheeks and shake him one more time before he finally jolts awake.

even though its dark i can see his bloodshot eyes full of fear, he's panting heavily desperately trying to catch his breath.

my hands are still on his shoulders which are now shaking and coated with a thin layer of sweat.

he clenches his hand on his shirt trying to breath "tyler?" i say concerned for him while trying to find eye contact "c-cant breath" he hitches.

panic attack.

fuck alright, i have these too, maybe i can help him, he coughs in between shaky breaths tears flowing over his now rosy cheeks "just- just get o-out" he stambles, hes not looking at me, in fact  he has his whole face turned slightly left so i can't see his face "tyler" i say calmly "im not going anywhere"

i try to turn his shaky body my way but he's still avoiding my gaze, "tyler look at me"

another sob escapes his lips and the unsteady breathing is still all over the place "let me help you" i say gently squeezing his arm and i can feel him burn up even more

i don't wait for an answer but instead place myself in front of him getting him to look at me "you're okay here" i say taking his trembling hand placing it against my chest and resting my own hand on his chest.

i take a deep breath while holding his hand closely against my chest "feel that?"

i can see him hesitatingly showing his emotions but he basically can't stop, teary red eyes look into mine, a wave of pity and sadness flows me, desperately wanting to help him

"just try and copy okay" i still have his hand firmly pressed against my chest, i take in a deep breath making my chest rise, hold it and slowly release.

i feel tylers chest rise with abrupt stops by the panic consumed in him, again i take a deep breath in not taking my eyes of him, his lips slightly parted and a soft glisten lingering his face, mixed with sweat and tears.

his chest once again rises with a little less stopt and more controllable "see? there we go" i say smiling softly not taking my hand of his chest, we sit there in silence, breathing.

for the first time its actually not an akward silence.

after a few more deep breaths his breathing is back to normal "thats better" i say letting my hand slip away from his chest and so does he.

he looks down, fiddling with the hem of his shirt, he can probably feel me staring.

i reach over and grab my backpack and my water bottle taking out a washcloth.

his gaze is now on the wall in front of him not aware if me puzzling around in my backpack.

i carefully pour some water over the washcloth and than set aside the water, i turn to face tyler again debating if i should go through with this, he's already not a fan of me.

oh well, he still looks pretty dazed out so it'll be fine. i carefully, not wanting to startle him, reach the washcloth to his face, softly wiping the thin coat of strained tears off his face.

he lets out a small groan but doesn't switch out of his position, i push back some hair thats plastered against his damp forehead and wipe it down as well.

he looks far away sunken in thoughts

when im done i hang the washcloth over the edge of the nightstand and face back to him "tyler?"

no reaction.

i bite my lip unsure of what to do "you wanna go back to sleep?" i ask, he shakes his head, no.
"alright" i say pulling my knees to my face, looking out the only window with no curtain, little starts plastered all over the sky.

"what are you doing?" he breathes out, i shrug "im not gonna let you stay up alone after that" he raises his eyebrow "i don't want to talk about it"

i put my chin on my knee and keep gazing out the window "we don't have to" i say.

he looks startled not sure what to think "you really don't have to" he says, maybe he just wants to be alone and is annoyed by me.

"do you wanna be alone?"

silence

alright he probably does, i slip my legs towards the edge and push the blanket off me "im outside if you need anythi-

"no"

i raise an eyebrow, "i don't wanna be alone" he mumbles looking up at me with still red flushed eyes

i look at him sitting on the bed, so fragile.

i stand there for a minute debating on what to say to him in this state "lets get you some fresh air than?"

he nods wiping his nose, i can see by just looking at him his body is sore as he walks towards me.

i peek through the curtains but luckily nobody is there so i slowly crack open the door letting the cool air hit my face.

tyler follows and we sit down at the edge, i pull my knees up to my chest staring at the horizon "are you cold?" his croaked voice says.

"i like it" i say "its soothing don't you think?" im more a fan if cold weather, i can peacefully wear long sleeves than, nobody is giving me funny looks and its not a mission to get though the day sweating my ass off.

"sometimes" he mumbles, a soft breeze brushes against my skin i look up at the moon, its almost full and clear to see.

i can see tyler shiver in the corner of my eye "are you feeling any better outside?" i turn to look at him.

the dim moonlight shines on his face "a bit" he says, still not a man of many words "sorry i woke you up"
he says looking away.

"thats alright" he's still looking away, fumbling with his shirt "ill take the floor next time"

this guy.

"tyler" i say sternly, he finally looks at me, his eyes still glossy "you're not going to sleep on the floor, i don't care if you wake me up" i say crossing my arms.

"i feel bad" he says "you shouldn't"

silence

"really tyler, its fine, above all i want to help" he shrugs "i don't want to be helped" of course he doesn't "fine, than in won't" i scoff, he looks a little hurt.

about thirty minutes pass and we talk about moving forward tomorrow heading more east.

"you wanna go back in?" he hesitates for a moment "yeah alright" i stand up and now feel a little cold, i yawn and make my way back inside closely followed by tyler

we squirm into the bed, my back pressed against the mattress, tylers still sitting up, again dug away in thoughts, if only i could a glimpse of what he is thinking

i know he said he doesn't want help and fine whatever "tyler" i say, he looks at me "just try and get some sleep" i say and roll to the side leaving him hanging, just didn't want to start some sort of discussions again.

its silent for a moment but than i feel him lay down as well letting out a soft breath.

"night" he mumbles