welcome to trench

goodnight

"please just say something"

he's still staring, i sigh and take a breath "why? so you can say 'fine' and we move on?, no i don't feel like it tyler" i say not lifting my head up to look at him

"im sorry i say that a lot" he mutters retracting his hand "i just don't understand why"

i look at him, he looks like he's about to make another silent patch happen "is it something i did because you can just tell me-

"its not" he interrupts

i sigh and look away again, tears still pricking in my eyes "whatever tyler" i say and walk towards the door and don't look back at him 

i close the door behind me and let tears stream down again silently, i can't with this guy

i sigh again and walk into another empty room wiping my nose, i find one empty room with another bed and i fall down on it letting out a groan, my body is aching

-

suddenly rowen bursts through the door with somehow another knife, before i can do anything he wields it at me and the second it hits my skin i shoot awake in a panic, fucking dream

i groan and sit up,taking deep breaths calming myself down i see the sun almost setting so i hope tyler is asleep already and i can peacefully watch over him with no interaction

i force myself up and walk towards the room tyler is in taking a quick peek to see rowen still tied up, i slowly crack the door to tyler his room and before i even step foot in, i can see him awake, shit

"did i wake you" i mumble "you didnt" he says

i walk over to the chair infront of his bed and sink away in it, "sorry for yelling" i mutter not making eye contact

"thats okay, we'll talk about it tommorow" he says calmly, i look up at him into his soft eyes, fuck

i give him a smile and shift in the chair "its a pretty big bed you know" he suddenly says, i look up at him confused "i know you're tired"

i chuckle "you inviting me for once" he smiles "just if you're okay with it" he says

i fidget with my hands "are you sure, i dont want to accidentally hurt you in my sleep" i look up at him and he laughs again "didn't i say something similar to you the day we met"

the day we met, it sounds so strange, like out of a movie or something

"well yeah, but you quite literally got stabbed and could actually get hurt or just want to sleep alone" i say in defense

he shrugs "i wouldn't mind" he says, i still look up at him with uncertainty "i am sure" he says before u can even ask "alright..." i mutter and crawl into bed beside him

it is a significantly bigger bed than the previous one but we are still so close i can feel the tension, its pretty much dark and beside his silhouette i cant see much

"goodnight tyler" i say "sweet dreams" he mumbles and turns his back to me

-

the door is busted open and a bunch of smoke flows around the room, i panic, a variety of red cloaks surround the room and it feels like i cant breath, one of them grabs me by the throat and the bright light blinds me and i wake up in a cold sweat

my eyes repeatedly blink adjusting to the sudden darkness, another fucking dream? you're kidding, the tears are already flowing down my face and i shoot up,

tyler stirs in the bed and rubs his eyes "you okay?" he sleepily asks sitting more up,

i look at him with bloodshot eyes and i can see he realizes how upset i seem and his brows knit together, worriedly

"what happend? are you hurt?" he says quickly scanning over me "n-nothing" i stutter looking away squeezing my eyes shut trying to get rid of the anxious feeling

i can feel tyler tuck my arm "whats going on" he mutters, i sigh keeping my eyes shut "im fine" i say, i sound like him

"you don't seem fine" he says sternly while still trying to get me to turn at him "well i am...just go back to sleep" i shakily say

"i think we should talk about it" he says

i let his words sink in and debate about it "why" i mumble

"well, we are gonna stick together we cant have us being like this you have stress enough already i don't wanna be another factor"

i open my eyes picking on the skin on my nails and sigh again turning to him "i have horrible depression....generally i can handled it by the thought of getting out, but now i am and it doesn't change anything"

i take in a shaky breath looking at my hands

"sometimes that didn't work and i...you know...cut myself sometimes....its stupid i know, i never planned on telling anyone, especially if i got out, i wanted this to be a fresh start, i wanted people to think i was a good person not some cut up freak"

tears started flowing down my face again

"with t-this comes a shit ton of anxiety in rushes i can't predict or deal with sometimes, and you....well you are cold to me, which i guess makes sense you dont know me"

i take another breath still not daring to look up at him

"i hate that you keep seeing all these weak moments of me, i don't want you to think im some weak girl, and the whole scar thing back in dema was horrid and im embarrassed about it, about myself, about my scars, all of it"

i wipe my eyes "i just want us to be friends.." i mumble

i finally look up at him and he's pale and his mouth hanging open slightly "but you know its all good" i say smiling slightly

he reaches for my shoulder gently placing it down "that's not "all good" his voice sounds a bit shaky

"if you're uncomfortable in a short sleeve shirt, we can switch" he says

i look up at him in disbelief "really?" i mutter, he smiles "absolutely" he says and peels off his shirt

i take his, "oh- do you want me to leave?" he says "that's okay" i say and take off my own shirt, leaving me in my bra and him in the shirt

i pull his longsleeve over my head and breath in his scent, i look down not sure what

"depression isn't 'stupid' it isn't 'weak' okay? you can always come to me" he says

"im sorry that happend in dema, i should've done something" he mumbles

its still dark out and i look up outside the window "we should probably sleep" i mutter "sorry for waking you"

"thats okay" he says "are you feeling better?"

i shrug "i guess" and rub my eyes "could you just promise me one thing?" he says and i look up at him and nod "if you ever feel like hurting yourself could you try and come to me?" he softly says

i feel like if i try and speak i might start to cry again so i just look at him and nod again, he gives me smile back

"goodnight tyler"