« you know i'm never going to actually love you, right ? » he spoke, his words calm as the breeze and his voice salty as the sea crashing upon their feet.
« i know. » you replied, curling your toes under the sand.
« you know ?! then why do you hang out with me like this anyway ? » he scoffed, « why do you spend so much time with me ? »
« well- » you paused, thinking about the words about to come out of your mouth, rethinking them over and over again to make sure you wouldn't say the wrong thing. « because I love you. Isn't that reason enough ? »
you didn't know what went wrong.
you were fine one second, and the next, you were just another blocked contact out of the numerous ones he had. you remembered how he had showed you once- his fingers endlessly scrolling through hundreds of names on his snapchat block list.
you clenched your teeth. why did he always have to be here, taunting you, waiting for you in your dreams and disappearing every time you're finally able to mend what has been broken ?
when your siblings broke your pens, you didn't go around trying to fix them- you didn't go around trying to make it jealous, you just simply disregarded it and threw it away and didn't think about it anymore. didn't matter if the pens were your favourites, you could always get new ones.
so why didn't that apply to kaedehara kazuha ? sure, he wasn't a stupid ballpoint pen, but what you had was over and it's no use keeping something you don't need around. so why did you try so hard ?
moving on was the only option, yet every time you stepped forward to achieve your goal, you felt like you just took a thousand steps back.
out of anger, or mourning, you didn't really know, you gripped the pens from your pencil case that was innocently sitting in front of you on the wooden desk, before throwing them on the floor. how petty.
you then got up, deciding you felt like giving the stationary store a visit. you felt like pretty marine blue ink feather pens. but, apparently, the feather pens didn't feel like you because just to your luck, you stumbled upon the last person you wanted to see at the moment.
the electric closing doors opened, but you didn't walk in. you did a one hundred and eighty on your heels, and left. walmart sounded like a good option, too.
fuck kaedehara kazuha and his idiotic pens.
an: this is me trying to be poetic i hate it even more than the first chapter
YOU ARE READING
OCEAN (disc)
Fanfictionand i keep pushing people away because the one i wanted to keep didn't stay. kaedehara kazuha / reader modern au [will get rewritten when I get a grip on my life, I promise]
