Nothing like I have imagined

Two

 I have never been insomniac. Sleep comes to me easily, anywhere anytime. But lately all I have been getting is three hours of sleep at most. Which is disturbing my already pretty disturbed life.

On regular bases I'm a cranky person. On the week before my period, the week after period, and when I'm hungry or in this case sleep deprived.

I have been snapping and screaming at everyone and anyone passing by. Earlier I had a very intense fight with a very annoying fly that ended up in me balling my eyes out. I blamed it on my period.

As of right now, it's almost 4 in the morning and I have been trying to sleep for the past two hours. I had two panadol night to help me sleep but again seems like sleep isnt coming my way.

Turning to the side my eyes glide along the faces playing on my laptop screen. This is probably the 20th time I have watched this particular Jenna Marbles video. She is one of my favorite youtubers, its a shame she doesnt post anymore.

A sigh left between my lips as the same thoughts that I have been having for the past week came crashing into my brain.

My house, the life that I left behind, the fact that I dont know if i will be continuing my education anytime soon.

I honestly never thought my life can go this way. I dont think any of us thought this war was a real thing. We have been hearing about it for a while now. A few months back when the rumours started circling about an upcoming war between the two army's that 'ruled' the county side by side no one ever believed they would go for it. For a starter one of them didnt even finish primary school, no one thought he had the brain cells to do algebra let alone throw a war.

But being here today he proved all of us wrong. He started it and even died on the first day of the war.

Talk about being fucking stupid. How are you going to throw a war, try to claim victory, and die a few minutes after declaring that said war.

Now our country is facing destruction and no one can stop whats happening.

Letting out another sigh I opened my phone to continue reading my latest choice of self hate.

Darling venom by Parker S Huntigton.

Romance books are my own poison of choice. My daily reminder that I have nothing in this life.

Most girls my age when the war broke down and all universities closed down, got engaged or even married to their boyfriends. It's pathetic thinking about it but I dont even want an engagement or marriage but it would have been very nice to have someone...

If you havent noticed I'm a very sickly romantic person. I live for the fairytale love and the romantic gestures. And dont get me wrong for most people romance and love comes with marriage, to me I definitley dont want marriage, and thats coming from a girl whose society is very set on marriages and is basically built on them.

To me love is about the bond between two people who chose to be in each other's lives. To be connected, to hold and be there for each other through life as it comes. Love is knowing that you are safe with that person, that they are there for you and will stand by you at all times. Despite all the flaws that come with it to me love is a pure feeling built on trust, honesty, loyalty, and happiness.

So yes I love love.

But why do I feel like I'm going to be in that percent of people who dont get to experience it.

My worst nightmare.

But I believe that God has something much better in store for me.

Maybe even better than the books...