{The Firelight Chronicles} Alter -Doctor's Orders (girlxgirl) Lesbian Story

Bottled up Love, in a Jar full of Pain

"Natalya..." I was at a loss for words.

"I'm sorry," she said, composedly but I could see the panic in her eyes, "I'm so very sorry, I have to go."

I noticed the agent she was with was glaring at her, and motioned with his head for her to leave.

"I have to go, Katrina, I wish you the best," she did a little bow and followed the man out of the office.

"Nat..." I whispered in disbelief as she left, knowing she couldn't hear me.

Sandra grabbed me by the shoulder because my body had moved to follow her on its own accord, "Don't," she said.

"She's my ex. It was all going fine, there was a bit of an age gap between us, but she looks my age still. We dated for a long time, even wanted to get married," I said in a numb yet contradictorily painful trance, "She was rich, traveled a lot, and very secretive about her life. One day, the feds busted in saying she was involved with human trafficking because her father was in the Russian mob, they forcefully arrested her in front of me, there was brutality, even though she was not resisting. She disappeared after that, all her social media erased, and no trace of her friends. They said if I had stayed with her they would've taken me, but it never seemed that way. Why not take me from day one? We'd see each other at a huge, beautiful house she had in the hills, it was almost like she was hiding me. I was never the same after that day, and the investigation. I was later interviewed by Interpol, and the pigs even made fun of me being in love with her, saying things such as invite us to the wedding when they take you."

"That sounds like a lot," replied Sandra.

"Yeah, I was younger, too. Nineteen. I got into smoking, drinking, and drugs to forget about it, but then I found martial arts, yoga, meditation, my roller derby team, my friends. They didn't know what happened with her for a few years. I lied and told them we broke up. I was pretty silent, went mute basically until I was like 21. When I started speaking up about it, some people dismissed it. they didn't believe me because people think these things don't happen often, but my best friends had met her and seen the feds pick me up for the investigation. They were my solace, but I became very angry, and closed up."

I sighed.

"During my downward spiral into drinking and drugs, I was raped more times than I can count by people who took advantage of my state. Many men, one woman."

"A woman?"

"Yeah, it was more painful because I loved her and did not expect it, I guess."

"Natalya?" Inquired Dr. Cortez.

"No. My ex Nina, she lured me into a threesome with her then boyfriend while they fed me alcohol and weed and did coke. I could barely even form a sentence, I was slurring, but I was trying to say no. The next day she texted if it was okay what happened, since I was very not sober. I said it was because I loved her, I forgave her, so we dated, but then she became crazed by the coke and drugs she did herself which were worse than mine and went back to her abusive pedo boyfriend who groomed her and had tried to groom other girls in the group. Our relationship ended in a disaster, it was a train wreck of a fight, and then she became very vengeful towards me. She was never a well-adjusted person, and she had been raped too, since age 13 by older boyfriend, She had a baby at 14, but she kept dating older men. She used to be different, so nice, but her addiction got the best of her. That' the girl I punched. It's like she became somebody else."

Sandra took a deep breath, "You've been through a lot."

"No shit Doctor Sherlock."

"Katrina..."

"Fine, sorry. I became angry at the world, and a bit hypersexual from the rapes, my body felt like currency, I was objectified a lot, and I dealt with it by becoming a slut, or a player, but I'm a hopeless romantic player, I don't play them, they play me."

"You fall in love yet can't form a stable relationship?"

"Yes."

"Did you grow up in a secure household?"

"No."

"You were misdiagnosed."

"I'm sorry--what?"

"You have CPTSD, and regular PTSD, it gets confused for bpd a lot. Also, I've been noticing your body language and the way you carry yourself."

"Meaning what?"

"Well, your diagnoses say ADHD and BPD."

"Yeah and so?"

"Your aunt told me you're a genius and have photographic memory. That you get obsessed with things until you master them to perfection, that you dropped out of advanced psych AND astrophysics."

"So?"

"That doesn't sound like you have trouble concentrating, neither does the IQ level in your files from when you were tested."

"Meaning what?"

"I think they misdiagnosed you because you put up walls, you mask, you imitate."

"I'm still confused."

She motioned for me to sit down, and put both hands on my shoulders, I shied away from her touch, feeling vulnerable. No longer wanting to mock her with fliting, my stomach was hurting from anxiety, and I felt like crying but no tears would come out.

"Do you like hugs?"

"Hate them."

"I know this sounds like a lot, but I wanna test you for autism."

"Hispanic doctor lady say what?"

"Are you quoting Miley again?"

"Yes... sorry. Sense of humor defense mechanism. I know I am. I've always suspected, but no one notices."

"Women can mask it well, especially the higher functioning ones, even though that is not a term we should use. I use it so you understand me."

My shoulders slumped.

"It's not a bath thing, but autistic people tend to be taken advantage of, abused sexually and physically by others, almost four times as much as neurotypicals."

Suddenly, my numbness faded, and my heart shattered all at once as a stream of tears escaped my eyes.

My pain, love, enshrouded in a bottle of thorns, had turned into rage and apathy... but the bottle cracked and exploded.

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