I never answered whether I was okay or not I just got up and walked to class.
I woke up the next day and walked down stairs. My dad was sitting at the table it looked like he had been crying again. I wish there was something I could do. I feel like I'm a constant reminder that he lost my mother because I look just like her.
" Hi daddy," I hugged him from behind. " I'm going to run to the store, need anything dad," he thought for a moment. " Get some doughnuts. I want doughnuts." I nodded and went to get dressed.
I put on a band shirt and some ripped jeans along with my blue flannel. I straightened my hair and put my beanie on. " I'll be b-" I realized it was pointless he's passed out.
I was walking down the street humming a song looking at the ground. I slowly began to sing to myself " You told me think about well I did. Now I don't wanna feel a thing anymore, I'm tired of begging for the things that I want, I'm over sleeping like a dog on the floor. Imagine living like a king someday a single night without a ghost in the walls,"
Out of no where I hear " Hey, wait up!" I look back and its that young man that was asking if I was okay. " Oh um hello," I looked back down at the ground. I wasn't looking to have a conversation with him.
" I need you to do me a favor," he stood in front of me. I nodded for him to continue " I was thinking about what you wrote and I'm worried, please pull up your sleeves," I didn't say a word.
" Please," he begged. I took a deep breath " Listen you don't even know me, if you saw you'd go tell everyone and make things worse so please just get away and stop acting like you care when I know how you are," I looked at him and he had a hurt expression on his face. " Now if you would excuse me I must be going," I walked around him then ran.
As I walked I looked up at the sky " Mom I feel so lost and confused. Was that boy really trying to help me? Why did he look so hurt when I said what I did? Please just give me a sign,"
I came back from the store and my dad woke up. " I got your doughnuts," I threw them at him. " Yay doughnuts," he walked into the kitchen to get milk. I sat down and started to watch TV.
" Hey Jordan, when was the last time you ate? You didn't eat anything yesterday." I hesitated " Uh I ate this morning," I lied. I ate a week and a half ago. " Really because you woke up got dressed and left," well fuck.
I didn't respond. " Jordan, are you starving yourself again," I shook my head " No of course not dad," he looked uncertain. " Alright, I'm trusting you."
I went up to my room and laid there watching TV all day. Then my dad came in at night. " Baby girl, we need to talk," I was scared. " Um okay." He sat on my bed and held my hand " I've been going to therapy and I've been feeling better and I was thinking maybe I should start looking for someone to feel the empty spot," I felt like my heart got crushed then I felt hope maybe this means he'll get better. " Whatever makes you makes you happy daddy," he smiled and kissed my cheek " Alright princess goodnight. I love you." I smiled " I love you too daddy goodnight."
