Daylight

5

Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time

You and I drink the poison from the same vine

There's a loud crash outside my window, peeling myself off my bed I stumble over and peer through the glass. A pair of bloodshot, dark brown eyes stare back at me, "Open the window y/n" Newt taps on the glass softly, "What are you doing here? How do you know where I live?" I ask slurring my words, "Open the window it's freezing out here" he starts tapping the window harder. Slowly I reach for the latch and fumble as I try to unlock it, it swings open and he tumbles inside landing on his back, his cream jacket halfway down his arms revealing a small cluster of red cuts  "Ouch" he says sitting up and rubbing the back of his head. "What are you doing here?" I ask, closing the window as he stands up and looks round my room before settling himself on the edge of my bed. His hair is flopping messily over his forehead and the smell of weed lingering around him.

"I can't go home" he says resting his head in his hands, "I don't want Lizzy to see me like this" he's clearly very high "Who's Lizzy?" I question crouching opposite him, trying to keep my balance. "My Little sister, she's Eleven" he mumbles "Couldn't you have gone to Thomas's or Minho's" he shakes his head "They don't know" he sounds upset, I get up and sit down on my bed next to him, "What don't they know?" he looks up at me, his eyes filled with tears. He glances down to the sleeves of his jacket before pulling them down over his scars and looking back up to me "I'm sick y/n" he whispers "I'm really sick and I don't know what to do" tears start rolling down his cheeks, he leans into me wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his head against my shoulder, "Newt I, I had no idea" I said returning the hug, "Don't tell anyone" He mumbles "Please" I reach my hand to his head and gently start stroking his hair "Of course."

He sits back up, releasing me from his grasp, "I'm sorry for what I said at the party, about how you, you know" "I know, I just wanna know how you knew" I reply feeling my eyes well up, he reaches out and takes my hand, squeezing it "I, I can't tell you" he says bowing his head, I snatch my hand back "What do you mean you can't tell me? The fuck is that supposed to mean?" I shout at him tears starting to form in my eyes "Y/n I'm sorry but I can't" he grabs my arms trying to calm me down "Get the fuck off me" I shout trying to shake him off of my arms "Y/n stop" he says sternly tightening his grip on my arms. "No, I won't" I shout "Tell me how you know."

He pushes my arms back, letting my back hit the mattress, pinning me to my bed, "Y/n listen to me, I can't tell you right now, I'm sorry but I can't" his face is directly above mine, the smell of weed surrounds me. "Get. The fuck. Off me" I glare at him "Only if that's what you genuinely want" he whispers staring me straight in the eyes. I can't speak, I just stare into his eyes not saying anything. He slowly lowers his face to meet mine "Y/n? do you want me to leave?" my head is spinning, is it him or the alcohol? Definitely the alcohol "No" I whisper so quietly it's barely audible. He gently connects his lips with mine, releasing his grip on my arms. I reach them up slipping my hands into hair and lightly tugging on it as he slides one of his hands down to my hips, his fingers dipping into the waistband of my shorts. I feel his lips part as he stops kissing me for a second, his eyes dart down to look at my neck "Jesus's y/n I really did fuck up your neck" he strokes the marks covering my neck before resting his hand around it. "You should see what I did to yours" I reply pulling his face closer to mine reconnecting our lips as I feel him smirk against them.

He shifts his hand down to my thigh, lifting it over his hip, pushing against him I flip us over letting his back collide with my bed. He removes his hand from my neck and grabs my waist, holding me in place. He breaks the kiss again, his eyes open and meet mine, I feel his hand leave my waist making me miss the warmth it brought as he raises it to my face, tucking my hair behind my ear "You're so beautiful, you know that" he smiles resting his hand on my cheek. Newt called me beautiful. Newt.

I jump off of him and get off my bed realising what was happening. "Fuck" I raise my fingers to my lips, touching where he had just been kissing me "Y/n?" I look back at Newt who was standing up from my bed "What's wrong?" he moves towards me, I step back "We need to stop, we hate each other remember" he continues moving towards me "And? Who says you can't kiss someone you hate" my back hits my wall "You can't go from calling me a whore this morning to calling my beautiful right now" I say looking up as he towers over me "Fine then, you're not a whore but you're still very, very beautiful" he tilts his head down, touching our noses "Newt you're high right now you don't mean that" I stare into his dark brown eyes watching his eyelashes fall and rise as he blinks "So just because I'm high that means I can't see how beautiful you are?" he leans in to kiss me but I jerk my head away "Stop it, just stop ok, I can't do this again please just go", I shuffle away from him moving to the window and reopening it. "Leave, please" I gesture for him to go holding the window open for him. "Fine" he towers over me once again before leaning down and placing a small kiss on my lips, "Goodnight y/n" I watch him climb out the window and close it behind him.

My back presses against the wall as I slide down to the floor, I pull my knees to my chest and rest my forehead on them. Twice, I've kissed him twice now, the guy I hate more than anyone else. "Fuck me mate" I say to myself, I can't let this happen again.