when you drown your girlhood

listening to another song by lil peep in the bathroom stall

my thoughts

my ideas

my goals

they amount to nothing

i am hooked on wasting time

i am not charismatic like i should be

you fucked me up, i think

fucked up in the way

where you regret everything you've done since birth

hiding in the bathroom stall

is the only place i can avoid

his rumors following me

he used to hold me close

but his habit of gulping

cinnamon whiskey

and xanax bars

has transformed him

into someone angry and depersonalized

i thought we were something that mattered

something that would count in the long run

did that intention of mine

not mean anything to him?

he spreads rumors

about how he manhandled me

his declination for soft touch

must be a bragging point

he made me a junkie

for anything that gets me high

i can't eat or sleep without seeing voids

the stress feels like bugs under my skin

i think i loved you so much

that i became you

what a monster i am

to morph into

my worst nightmare