• Life Cycles • Telle Smith [discontinued]

•candour•

I leaned against the pole and watched Our Last Night practice a bit before sound check in three hours. Every time I listen to them I feel like I'm either listening to the soundtrack for a movie or I feel like I want to fall to my knees wailing out to the Gods to bring back my cursed lover from the dead.

"Do you toss and turn from all the bridges you've burned?" Trevor, along with his lyrics, is mature to be 21. Maybe because he got his girlfriend pregnant at 15 or maybe because he started this band so young. Regardless, I've never met such a hard working person in my life, besides....maybe Fronz?

 "Hey Telle!" Trevor yells in the mic. I close my eyes and mentally cursed myself. They're still here. I turn around and sure enough, in all glory, was Telle walking towards me with his glasses on.

I turn to walk behind the stage, but Telle runs and grabs me by the wrists. I snatch my wrist, but his grip gets firmer. I resist the urge to roll my eyes, but his actions are so childish.

"What do you want?" I had let my eyes wander, and they wander right over to the tattooed arm holding my wrist captive. Jesus he's buffed.

 "You know, a lifetime ago you said you were afraid of losing me and then you face your fear and left." He bluntly stated.

"My God, Tyler, don't you have a tour to be on?"

"Don't you have an explanation to give?" He retorted back.

"Are we seriously doing this here?" I snatch my wrist free, cuddling it to my chest before giving him my attention.

"Might as well." My anger built up inside me as I watched him smirk at me as if this was funny. He thought this was funny.

"You're such an ignorant asshole!" I screamed, grabbing my hair.

"Oh, I'm the ignorant one huh?" He challenged.

"Yeah you kinda are!"

"Says the person who's too much of a pussy to man up and give me an explanation‼" I can't say that hurt, that part is true. But I was too far deep in this argument to let him win.

"Oh like I'm not the only one who did anything wrong."

"Yeah but at least I didn't abandoned my brother!"

"At least I didn't cheat on my girlfriend with her roommate!" The look in his eyes told me I crossed the line. And what was coming out of his mouth next would forever rock me.

"Hey, at least she was better in bed than you were!" My eyes widen at his words. "At least she didn't have me thinking something was going on between her and her guy friend. At least she didn't always blow me off all the time. She gave me more attention in those 30 minutes I was doing her on the bed than you have when we were dating." I said nothing as I swallowed down my heart.

"Hey man," I heard Trevor speak as he approached us. "That's fucked up."

She gave me more attention in those 30 minutes I was doing her on the bed than you have when we were dating.

My lips quivered as I exhaled the breath I sucked in.

His words hurt a lot. I know I've said and done some bad things, but none were as bad as that. I remember that day, clear as light. Everyone was stressed from exams, Telle had got drunk and go figure, Sylvia was high.

But being the idiot I was, I took him back.

I snapped back into reality a bit to see a crowd forming from the two men arguing.

"I left because I was scared," I said barely above a whisper. Both heads snapped my way and that's when I lost my temper. I ran and charged at Telle, shoving him  backwards and punching him in the chest. "I HATE YOU!" I shoved him again. He did nothing, he took each and every blow. "I left because I was scared!" I yelled this time, punching him as hard as I can. "I was in love and I was scared." My words made no sense as I cried. "I was scared of falling in love with you." I let my fist slid down his chest as I fell to the ground crying.

"Lydia," Trevor called.

"I want my brother!" I screamed. "Luke!" I continued to cry.

Everyone took three big steps away from me as I continue to cry on the ground. I could hear hurried footsteps of Ben and Adam running my way. One of them engulfed me as I senselessly cried onto the dirt.

I laid still with my head in Adam's lap while Ben, Brandon, and Luke talked outside. I could hear the hushed yells of Ben and Brandon towards Luke.

It's my fault, it's my entire fault. I shouldn't have left like that. I was so close to graduating. But I fell in love and I was so scared because falling in love means making them you everything and if I lost it all, I wouldn't be able to come back from losing everything.

"I think almost is the saddest word there could be. 'I almost kissed her.''We almost made it through.' 'It almost happened.' It's a word used when you expect a certain thing to happen, but life turns into another direction, and you're just stuck there wishing." Adam spoke to me.

Almost. I almost made my mom proud. I almost graduated. I almost could've stopped myself from crossing the line I did. God, was I that bad of a girlfriend? I had never been in a serious relationship before Tyler. I had never got to experience some of the things I did growing up in college.

Why do I fuck everything up? It's not even show time and I just want to sleep. Forever. And he was right. There was a time I was afraid of losing him, but I didn't face that fear and left. I buried it deep inside me and became an emotionless person to the point where it became easy to leave.

"And Lydia," Adam knocked me out of my thoughts. "You and Tyler were an 'almost'."