• Life Cycles • Telle Smith [discontinued]

•starving for friends•

I didn't go to sleep that night. Instead I sat at our booth in the front lounge and stared at the passing scenery in the night. I couldn't wrap my mind around how fast everything is going.

How much I hurt Tyler and how much my own brother doesn't trust me. I know what I did wasn't rational. Sneaking out of my dorm in the middle of the night with Brandon and catching the bus to an unknown destination with a half plan in sight. But trying to ask me why I did that....I couldn't, actually, I still can't give you an answer.

But I loved Tyler. I loved every moment we spent together especially in the beginning.

"So how's the first week at UPAAM?" Telle asks me as I make my way to my music class. He's been making it a habit of trying to make my experience here as easy as possible.

"One of my sister roommates still hates me for whatever reason." I explain as I grip the handle of my guitar case a little tighter.

The two girls I'm rooming with wouldn't be so bad if the one with the gauges would stop acting like I don't exist and wouldn't be so bitchy towards me when she does realizes I exist .

"Oh. Sylvia? Yeah, she just.....needs some time to adjust with the changes that's all." He throws an arm over my shoulders. I roll my eyes as if. Maybe if she wasn't high off her ass all the time.....

"Oh Telle! Lydia!" Brandon sings out loud as I hear his footsteps run towards us. I think out of everyone I met, which is not a lot, I like Brandon the most. He's the cheeriest and makes time to walk me to every class. And I'm so glad for that because even for this being an 'urban' campus, it's huge.

"What's up?" Telle asks as we walk by the school seal, various people eyeing it weirdly.

"Party this weekend and this time the Ferris brothers are hosting it." Brand has so much enthusiasm laced in his voice.

"The Ferris brothers?" I ask out of curiosity.

"Cory and Ben Ferris? You haven't heard of them yet?" Brandon practically squeals in my ears. Telle chuckles next to me as he explains.

"They're like good friends with Tyler and normally they throw parties. Ben is the oldest, he's at his last year and Cory is in his sophomore year...I think." Telle rubs his hand on my shoulder as we approach the music arts wing of the school.

"They're total party goers, a little illegal things, being arrested for things there, but they're super talented. Cory plays bass and Ben does keys and does some hell of screams. I don't know about Cory, but I'm pretty sure if you and Ben met, you guys would hit it off the bat."

"Hey there little lady." Ben speaks as he slides in the space across from me. To say he has changed is a underestimate. From his shaggy brown hair with the golden highlights in it to his now cut short hair that's slicked back on some days, we've matured and aged together more like brother and sister than I did with Luke.

"Hey Ben." I give a small smile as I turn to give him my undivided attention. Although it was dark, Ben is so pale, his chest was visible.

"How are you feeling?" How am I feeling? That question struck me awe. I don't know what to feel if to feel anything at all.

I ruined the life of my younger brother and ex-lover, yet they take the time to fly halfway across the country from their tour to ask me why. Why did I leave them?

All my life I've done nothing but try to be the best for Luke since our mother clearly wasn't it. But then, when Luke needs me the most, I mean the most, I'm already at a bust stop in Alabama with Brandon. I had only been at the University of Phoenix a year and a half before I decided to leave. And I had fallen so hard in that one year, six months, three days, and nine hours.

"I feel like could write a whole album and a deluxe version right now." I sigh as I lean my head against the window, keeping my eyes fixated on his.

"Hey, you could be the new Taylor Swift. Your hair is already blonde." Ben shrugged his shoulders.

"Hardy, har." I snort. "Your sense of humor is just as bad as Cory's and that's saying a lot."

"Hey, that hurts." He fakes sniffle. "But with all seriousness, Lydia go ahead. It's 2013 and it's been two years since we've written anything and inspiration doesn't come free." I open my mouth to argue but he cuts me off. "And an acoustic version of an album does not count. I know thinking about the past hurts, but the past is here in living flesh. Tyler and Luke may be what you need to get back in the writing process and to be happy again."

I remain silent and press my lips together.

"Remember when we were just in your dorm room, making music and uploading it online?" I smile a little.

"Yeah. LIGHTS EP, Saviour EP, The Listening and The Ice Pack were all made, written, and produced in my room." I grin even wider. The birth of where we are now came from messing around in college. "Nothing but good memories."

"See that's what I don't get." Ben slams his hands down on the table. "You claim nothing but good memories happened there, but yet you choose Brandon of all people to leave with. Why not Tyler? I though you and Tyler had some good connections.

"Cause he was Telle's friend!" I yell, growing agitated. "Tyler and I only got along because of Telle. Brandon and I became good friends because even when Telle wasn't there, we had fun. We got along and we were there for each other. You should know! You kept hanging out with me outside of parties didn't you?" He remained silent and I relaxed a little, settling back into the chair until he spoke again.

"Wow Lydia. Did you leave because you and Telle.....were you guys....were you in-"

"Hey, what are you guys doing up?" Like a deer caught in headlights, we both turned our heads around to see Brandon half-awake with his arms crossed.

"Just going to bed." I cut Ben off before he could make a more big deal out of things. I stand up from the booth and trudge back towards the bunk, climbing up and dragging my small frame into the very top bunk.

A voice called out from below me. "You're running away again." I got under the blanket and faced the wall.

"Shut the fuck up Adam."

Ben on the side