Is there a road back to the way we were?

Chapter 89

It was a late March night when Onyx found Imre on the rooftop, gazing at the city. The air wasn't warm but neither was it cool, a mist in the sky indicating upcoming rain and for a moment Onyx was taken aback by the dolent nature of it all. Usually the rooftop was a place of quiet refuge, a growlery of sorts, somewhere they came to clear their mind but now it just felt extremely sad. Heart heavy and aching, he approached his friend and stood beside him.

A sombre silence passed between them, neither saying anything – Onyx for not knowing what to say and Imre for having nothing to say. Maybe this was a mistake, Onyx thought. What if Imre didn't want him there? What if he just wanted to be alone?

The mist broke into a light drizzle, the pattering sound filling the silence. Imre lifted his face towards the sky, the raindrops rolling down his face like tears. His eyes were closed, his long lashes wet with tears or rain it was hard to tell and the dim lighting cast shadows over his face. Observing him carefully, Onyx noticed a faint stubble on his cheeks and bags under his eyes. He wanted to reach out and comfort him, reassure him somehow, anyway he could, but there was only so much he could empathise...whatever Imre was feeling was an arcane feeling only those in similar situations could understand.

"She's not going to recover," Imre said, his tone resigned. He opened his eyes and looked at Onyx, the redness a clear giveaway that he'd been crying. "The cancer has spread too much and it's too risky to operate due to the location of the tumours."

Cancer? This was the first time Imre mentioned what the illness was. "How is she faring?"

"She's at home now with my siblings. My grandma's staying with them. I can't bring myself to call her...I don't want to see her smiling at me while telling me she's fine and happy. What am I supposed to tell my siblings as she gets weaker? My brother's twelve, my sister seven...It's only been three years since my dad died. What am I supposed to do when they turn to me after Mum is gone? I can't do this. I'm not strong enough."

Onyx didn't have the answers so he asked, "Do you really not want to see her or talk to her?"

"...I don't know."

"Imre I won't tell you what you should and shouldn't do because that's down to you but instead of worrying about what will happen, wouldn't it be better to make most of the time you have left with her?"

The drizzle turned into a downpour, both of them becoming soaked but not making a move to head inside. Below them was the screeching of a car as it turned a sharp corner followed by horns honking and angry shouting but they didn't pay any mind to it and it was soon drowned out by the sound of the rain splattering on concrete.

For a while Imre didn't say anything, Onyx's question almost lost to the rain but hesitantly, as if he felt he wasn't allowed to, he smiled and drew Onyx close.

"Imre..." Shouldn't he be the one giving the hug and not receiving it? Onyx thought. Imre was the one going through something, not him. "Why-"

"Shhh," he hushed him. "Just let me hold you."

"But-"

"Please," he requested softly. "It calms me down."

They were both completely drenched, water dripping from their clothes, and it didn't seem like the rain would give up anytime soon. Onyx could feel the cold seeping to his bones but chose to focus on the sound of the rainfall, something that always brought him comfort, and patiently waited until Imre pulled away.

"Do you feel better?" He crossed his arms, trying to warm up.

"A little. I don't know why but there's something anodyne about you that I feel drawn to." He ruffled Onyx's hair, causing water to drip, and chuckled when he frowned in response.

"I asked you to stop doing that. You and Jaemin never listen."

"Just accept that as long as we remain friends, I'm going to dote on you."

Onyx nodded then thought about what he had said. "What does anodyne mean?"

"It means you make me feel soothed and relaxed...and whenever I'm with you I stop feeling pain."

The word sounded familiar and he thought back to where he had heard it. "Oh like the painkiller. Anodynes are a type of drug, right?"

He'd said it so innocently and excitedly that Imre burst out laughing. "Yeah, they are. Of course you'd turn something poetic into science...of course..."

"I didn't realise it had a meaning outside of medicine." Onyx could feel heat rush to his cheeks despite how cold he was feeling but seeing Imre genuinely laugh after a long time, he didn't feel upset that it was at his expense.

"I got to tell Jaemin." Calming down, his expression became more serious and there was a fond look in his blue eyes as he reached his hand out but the rain was still pummelling down, the chill causing Onyx to shiver, and Imre retracted his hand. "I'm sorry. You've been in the rain all this time because of me. I didn't think anyone would come looking for me and now you're all soaked..."

"It's okay."

"Let's go inside now." He started to head to the door but Onyx grabbed his arm.

"Imre wait. Before we go, will you promise me something?"

"What is it?"

"That no matter what happens, you won't neglect yourself."

Imre met his gaze, saw the earnest concern in his brown eyes and smiled. "I promise."