Touches or Stares (Bada Lee AU)

Chapter 9

Bada's POV

Well, that backfired...

I wanted to make her feel that whatever she was trying to do to intimidate me was not going to work and that it didn't have an effect on me.

I know I'm an asshole for that, but I thought I can take it, I thought I can take her. 

What happened just keeps on replaying in my brain. I was doing so well at first, I could see her nervousness so easily as if she wasn't even trying to hide it all. 

Even the moment I accidentally touched her thigh, I wanted to keep my hands there, to grab it or more like grab her... 

Even if I know it was wrong, it was already wrong that I'm thinking of doing it. 

I massaged my temples with the thoughts running through my mind

I was handling it well, but the longer I stared into her eyes, the more I could feel my whole body tense up, the urge to push her down on her own bed and kiss her grew stronger inside me and I felt like I was about to explode.

Then she bit her lip. She fucking bit her lip right in front of me, knowing that our faces are just a few inches away from each other.

I tried to not say anything but at that moment my thoughts took over me and won. The horror that took over me after the words left my mouth telling her to stop biting her lip did not register right away. At that moment I wanted to be the one to be biting her lip. 

I arrived at my dorm and I sprawled down on my bed, I screamed in frustration, and I left her dumbfounded... I know I shouldn't have done that.

But I don't know what's happening, I don't know if she really does like me, if she has feelings for me.

I don't date people who are confused, or testing the waters, because those kinds of relationship doesn't end well, they always realize that they're not into woman by the end, and I or us always end up on the curb thinking what's wrong? What's lacking? when in the first place we knew that they were not sure of what they were feeling toward us. 

Not to mention that she has a boyfriend, I do feel that there's something wrong with that relationship, that she's hiding something, but I can't force her to say something, to share it with me if she's not comfortable with it. 

I'm not that kind of person, I don't want to be that kind of person.

But why do I feel like I'm ready to risk that if it's with her?

I stared at my phone with our chat box opened... I kept typing and erasing, typing and erasing.

I gave up and placed down my phone putting a pillow over my face trapping my screams on it. 

I practiced some dances inside my dorm, trying to get things off my mind, and thinking of dances I could teach the students tomorrow. 

I wanted to sleep, to get some rest so I could give my 100% but no matter how long I shut my eyes, everything that happened just popped into my head like annoying ads on an illegal web platform and it just pisses the hell out of me.

I sat down on my bed again contemplating everything that happened. I don't even know if she wants to talk to me, or if I have the balls to face her.

What am I gonna say? Hi Maddy, do you like me or not? Do you think you're into girls? Because if yes, I'd gladly beat up your boyfriend if there's something preventing you from breaking up with him.

I planted my face on my palms, can you fucking believe the thoughts I'm having just because of whatever I'm feeling towards her. 

I just danced and danced and lost track of time that its already 6:30 AM