You know what I hate the most, diary?
Well, it's Ganon. He did kill all my friends and left my stranded alone in the future after all. I hate him at a deep level, but at least he's not annoying, you know?
Sure his tendrils of darkness are visible from pretty much anywhere in Hyrule (as is my responsibility, yikes); but at least I can turn my back to them and pretend he doesn't exist for a bit while I fuck around planning how I'm gonna kill him.
You know what's the second thing I hate the most?
Octoroks. Fucking Octoroks.
I can't lay down a minute in the grass enjoying the sunshine without seeing a boulder hurtling towards me.
Having a swim in the Zora domain? Boulder.
Hiking in the Hebra mountains? Boulder.
Relaxing in a Goron hot spring? Flaming boulder.
It doesn't matter if there's a thousand bokoblins trudging around and burning their territory to the ground, I'm the enemy. I'm the bad guy.
Even when I'm literally just napping in the grass. Fucking dicks.
It's humiliating.
One time I scared a bunch of travelers by popping out of the woodwork with a giant war-axe in hand to cut down a bush.
I kicked at the dirt and yelled at the ground for five minutes, taunting the damn thing to come out. I was out of my fucking mind.
It turned out to be just a normal bush and I was never so embarrassed in my life.
In my defense I had just killed a lynel and adrenaline was pumping; I just wanted to sit down and relax a minute.
Then I saw the bush. Something in me went apeshit.
I was like: "NOT TODAY YOU MOTHERFUCKER," the rest is history.
The worst is when they pop out during a fight. They're not hard to take down on their own, but when you're in the middle of a lizalfos camp (and vastly outnumbered) they are the most dangerous thing around.
I start preparing the death blow and suddenly out comes a flying boulder to knock me down, much to the local giant lizards' glee; and before promptly gang up on me.
And I can't just kill them because the second I turn around I know I'll find the point of a spear jutting out my guts, and then goodbye Link.
So I have to parry, dodge be knocked about their projectiles while trying to make quick work of everything else.
They are the scourge of my peace of mind.
The only good thing about them is that when they're around, I physically cannot think about the fate of Hyrule, my dead friends or how lonely I really am out here in the wilds because my brain is overrun by stress and fury.
Which is also useless. Just seeing a lynel twenty miles off will accomplish exactly the same thing by making me piss myself in terror.
In short: fuck Octoroks, they deserve extinction.
Hyah!
Link
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Twink of the Kingdom
FanfictionWhen I woke up I only knew one thing: my name is Link. Well, knowing is a bit of a stretch. I just felt my ears prickle when someone hollered "Link", therefore I assumed it was my name. Not long after I knew two things: my name is Link and according...
