dear self why are you being so kind to others? why do always feel like you need to save them? why do feel like they need you? why do keep hurting yourself emotionally?
why do keep smiling even if you not? why do keep telling yourself okay even if you are hurting? Why do you keep putting fake self even when you are being ruined? Why do keep fighting even though you know you losing your own every single fight?
why won't you give up when you know you are so tired of everything? why won't you just voice out your struggles, pain, and troubles.? Why are you fighting it alone? why you don't ask for help?
your the one punishing yourself for all of this. Why you are being hard on yourself?
the reason why is because I know they are the same as me just simply human beings They've had enough of their life too, they have gone through hell too even worse than mine. the only thing I can do at least where to support them, heal them, and be their light even though I can't do it to myself.
the reason why I keep that smile is to prevent others from worrying about me pitying me or feeling bad for me. It is okay to get hurt for the people you care about, love, and cherish. all I can do is fight because it is right to keep moving even if I lose my arms and legs for my loved ones. even no one can remember me and I don't like to be a burden to others so I keep it on my own.
the reason I don't want to give up is because I want to keep trying so I don't regret not doing it, Giving up means you didn't try everything to keep alive. not trying to survive the path you were walking., It means losing faith in the one who created all of this. losing faith in god means you lose to everything. there is always someone walking with us. even if we don't see it lord always with us.
it is not punishing as I can see this is a trial for how long and how far I can grow through his trials It maybe see like that but this may not if you believe those days that you may feel distressed and hopeless pray and he will heal you.
{SMIDGET}
