Random Varian and the Seven Kingdoms Stuff.

incorrect quotes

Hugo: Which is correct, seven and five IS thirteen, or seven and five ARE thirteen?
Varian: Neither.
Varian: Because it's twelve.

Hugo: Varian told me to stop being immature, so I told them to get out of my fort.

Varian: The only thing I'm guilty of is being adorable... ...and also assault with a deadly weapon.

Varian: What do you call quantums of electromagnetic radiation that don't get along?
Hugo: What did you just say-
Varian: Foetons! *Laughs*
Hugo: Wh-what?

Hugo, working at McDonald's: Sorry sir, we don't serve a McFuck here, so either you throw that one slice of pickle out or we're gonna have a McProblem.

Hugo: Consider the fundraising over! Your hero has arrived!
Nuru: Uhh... where did you get so much money from, Hugo?
Hugo: Well, you know, I'm pretty good at numbers. I just crunched them, I stretched them, I analyzed my accounts, I timed the market-
*police sirens start to wail in the background*
Nuru: DID YOU ROB A BANK?!
Hugo: Oh, come on, Nuru, do you really think so little of me? *opens the bag as purple dye explodes on their face*
Nuru:
Hugo: ...it was a credit union.

Hugo: *pulls back the curtain while Varian is showering*
Hugo: Hey did we - stop screaming it's me - did we run out of Cheerios?

Yong: *running towards Hugo with open arms*
Hugo: *moves out of the way*
Yong: Hey, why'd you move?!
Hugo: I thought you were going to attack me.
Yong: I was going to hug you!
Hugo: Why would you hug me?
Yong: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?

Nuru: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no idea what to put in them. Any suggestions?
Hugo: Put spaghetti in it.
Nuru: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you.
Yong: Put spaghetti in it.
Nuru: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you two.
Varian: Put spaghetti in it.
Nuru: I am no longer taking suggestions.

Hugo: Do you want this handful of moss?
Varian: Why would I want a handful of fucking moss?
Hugo: Damn, you could've just said no

Varian: *Pulls a glass a water from out of nowhere*
Nuru: Where did you get that?
Varian: My pocket.
Nuru: How do you keep a glass of water in your pocket?
Varian: Skills.

*Varian sneezes*
Hugo: Varian, are you sick? Here, let me wrap you in a blanket and hand-feed you some warm soup while singing you a lullaby!
*Nuru sneezes*
Hugo: Oh my god. Shut the hell up.

Varian: You ever see something that changes your life and you're just like "huh.."
Hugo: I saw you.
Varian: Honestly that's so cute and sweet but it kinda makes this awkward because I was gonna show you a picture of Yong in a turkey costume.

Hugo, texting Varian: I'm a theif.
Varian: Thief.
Hugo: Theif.
Varian: I before E except after C.
Hugo: Thceif.
Varian: NO.

Varian: I ran into Hugo in the kitchen at 1 AM last night and when I asked him what he was doing, he just shrugged, said "these are my roaming hours," and wandered off, strumming vaguely on his guitar.

*Bullying Prevention Day at school*
Teacher: Hugo, what would you do if one of your classmates viciously teased you again and again?
Hugo: Oh, that's easy. I'd take a pencil out of my pencil case-
Teacher: To write something to your teacher?
Hugo: -make sure that it's really sharp, and ram it into their eye at full tilt! My adoptive mom always says the pencil is mightier than the sword because they can't outlaw bringing pencils to school!
Teacher: *internal screaming*

Hugo: I wish I could help you, but I shorn't.
Varian: Hugo, please!
Hugo: What part of shorn't don't you understand?

Varian: Self-care is suppressing all your trauma until it comes back and hits you in the face with the force of 7 very large trucks.

Hugo: I'm not so sure you're stakeout material.
Varian: I'm a chronic insomniac, I was born for this.

Yong: Real life should have a search function, or something.
Yong: I need my socks.

Donella: I am literally evil incarnate.
Donella: I'm not actually, I just enjoy being evil.
Donella: Which I think actually makes it even more evil because I'm making a conscious effort.

Varian: You're smiling. What happened?
Nuru: What? Can't I smile just because I feel like it?
Yong: Hugo tripped and fell down the stairs today.

Yong: Where's Hugo?
Nuru: Don't worry, I'll find him.
Nuru, shouting: Varian sucks!
Hugo, distantly: Varian is the best person ever! Fuck you!
Nuru: Found him.

Varian, struggling to keep upright in their 1 inch heels: Yeah, I-I don't really think heels are for me
Hugo, pointing at them and walking flawlessly in sparkly golden 6 inch heels: WEAK.

Varian: You're 'the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans', what does that mean?
Hugo: It means i was second worst thing to happen to those orphans.
Varian: but what's the first worst thing?
*Awkward pause*
Hugo: Varian, they...they weren't always orphans.
Varian:
(Fly high Techno)

Hugo: Priest kink is definitely a thing and I am afflicted by it.
Varian: Go to church.
Varian: WAIT-