Toxic But Mine

Chapter 2 - No Turning Back Now

The words escaped me. I was doomed. I had nowhere to run. I had another 10 hours to sit by him and accept my feelings. I did miss him, but somewhere along the way, I forgot to think about it. After we split up, I had to resolve a lot of decisions by taking him out of the equation. It was hard to even dream at first, but as time went by, I recovered through other distractions I created for myself. I made sure to never have extra time that would let me think about him. Life happened.

But I never missed checking on him once in a while. I was too eager to check who had viewed my stories or if he had posted something new. He had been a ghost for a long time, and seeing him right next to me brings back a lot of memories from the past - good and bad.

"I know it's awkward," he acknowledged. He placed his hands on mine genty. His touch felt like home - familiar and warm. I had yearned for this touch, and it felt special. Nobody ever made me feel the way he did. He was special to me. He was my first, my last, and my only. But the ring, on the other hand, reminded me that I was not his 'only'. I quickly pulled my hands away.

I was tempted to ask him about the ring on his finger. I wanted to know the girl he finally settled with. I wanted to know if it was a love match or a marriage of convenience. I wanted to know how he managed to move on from us. We were not perfect for each other, but we were good. We were the couple that turned heads in college. We were the couple that made the other couples jealous. I couldn't imagine doing any of the things I did with him with anyone else. It was only him.

He was irresistible back then. He has changed since then. Now, he has a thicker beard and faint lines across his forehead, but that glint of spark in his eyes has remained unchanged. It felt magical to be feeling the same things that I had experienced all those years ago when I first met him. No wonder the coincidence; I met him on the train along with a bunch of other friends from college. We instantly connected, and there was no stopping after that. It was love at first sight.

"Who is she?" The words came carefully out of me, trying not to seem very selfish, but maybe they did. I was selfish, and I wanted to know.

"Her name is Swetha. We met in London; she's a family friend," he said, showing a picture of them standing together holding Leo - his dog.

At that moment, I truly felt something in my stomach. I haven't felt this way in a long time. I was okay with not talking to him or being with him all this time, and ever since life happened, I worried less. But seeing him with another woman in his arms pained me. I couldn't accept it, but I nodded anyway.

"Leo looks big."

"Yes, he is. He's got two kids now."

I kept staring at the picture and only wished he could understand what I was feeling. I wanted to know more. I wanted to know how he moved on from me so quickly to fall in love with someone else or get ready to be married.

"I don't love her" , he said sharply. My heart skipped for a moment as I realized what he just said. Was I imagining things, or did he develop new powers to listen to my head, or was I thinking loudly? I didn't know what was true anymore, but I knew what I heard. I shot a look at him and pleaded to know more with my eyes.

"After you left, I tried getting over you. It was too hard to find love all over again. Something didn't just feel right. On the other side, my parents were getting very impatient, and that's how I met her. She seemed nice, our tastes matched; she liked me, and everything fell into place. I figured that having a family and some responsibility over my head would morally force me to forget you", he shrugged.

"Morally force you? You were supposed to really move on." I spoke softly, unable to keep eye contact. "You know we were not right for each other. We would have ended up hurting each other."