Toxic But Mine

Chapter 4 - Forgive or Forget

"I'm sorry, Noel. I had no idea how deeply I hurt you," I said, my head bowed in shame.

He looked at me, his eyes filled with a mixture of pain and anger. "Do you remember Twinkle from my German class?"

I nodded, my arms trembling as I crossed them, preparing myself for what he was about to say.

"A year after we broke up," he began, his voice heavy with regret, "I started partying—a lot. One day, I took her along with me to a party, and we got drunk, really bad. I thought she could pull herself up, but she didn't, so we crashed at Nithin's apartment, and we...we messed around. It wasn't like anything we did before, but it still felt good. It was wild," he confessed, running a hand through his hair.

I couldn't fathom where he was going with this. Was he trying to make me feel sorry or jealous? He wasn't succeeding at either.

"I got a taste of something new. It was my hatred. I was only thinking of all the ways to hurt you when I was with her," he admitted, a cruel edge to his words.

My anger flared. "You take pleasure in hurting me?"

He leaned in closer, his eyes locked onto mine. "In more ways than you can imagine."

"You're twisted. I feel sorry for that poor girl you're marrying."

He smirked, his expression cunning. "Oh, she's not poor."

His insinuation made my blood run cold. I wanted to do more than just slap him; I wanted to make him pay for his cruelty. I wouldn't stand by and let him ruin another girl's life.

"You can't do this. It's not right," I protested.

He pointed his finger at me, his voice sharp. "Don't you dare tell me what's right or wrong."

His words cut deep, but I refused to back down. "I'm sorry," I began, my voice shaking as tears welled up in my eyes. "I turned you into a monster."

"No," he said, surprising me with his agreement. "I have to thank you for it. I like this new me. It's so refreshing and free," he proclaimed, puffing out his chest.

I couldn't sympathize with what he had become. He was annoyingly proud and confident about his cruelty. He seemed to have channeled his anger in the wrong direction, and I had inadvertently helped him do it.

"You have to blame me for it, Noel. I did this to you."

"Yes, you did," he admitted coldly.

"Will you ever forgive me?" I asked, desperation creeping into my voice.

"I don't think so," he replied, a glint of satisfaction in his eyes. "You did what you had to do, didn't you? Now you can't beg for forgiveness."

I knew his game. He wanted me to beg. He wanted to see how far I'd go for his forgiveness, and it gave him a sick sense of satisfaction. This wasn't new to me; he used to do this every time we fought. He craved that nagging drama, which was also his weakness. I didn't know if my tearful plea would work now, but I had to try.

"Noel, I'm truly sorry. I know I hurt you, and I was hurt too. What's done is done, and there's nothing we can do to change it. But I feel guilty for leaving you like this. I can see your pain. Let me help you."

"Help? How can you help me now?" he groaned.

"Tell me," I said, locking eyes with him. "Tell me what I can do to make you forgive me. We can at least be friends again."

"Do you know what's worse than being exes?" he asked, a bitter tone in his voice. "Being friends after."

"Can we at least move on? Act like mature adults?" I challenged, hitting his ego. Who likes to admit they're immature?