Toxic But Mine

Chapter 3 - Only a few hours left

Beyond all that awkwardness I was expecting, I thought it was going well until I opened my mouth and made it all worse while he simply chose to ignore me with silence. Kill me instead, I thought. We were flying thousands of feet above the ground, and I had nowhere to go. I could continue watching the movie in front of me or try to mend whatever was left between us.

"I'm sorry, Noel. I didn't mean to say it like that."

"It's okay, Swetha. Shit sorry, Anu," he said, planting his face on his palms.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at his fumble, but I chose to smile and let it go. Teasing him wasn't going to do any good. "Let's just forget this," I said. "Let's forget our boring lives for a while, at least until we land and instead we could talk about something fun."

"Sounds like a good idea", he agreed, getting back up.

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked and waited for him to come up with something. Both of us went quiet and got engaged in our thoughts. I had to come up with something just to break that big, icy rock between us.

"Why don't we start fresh?" "Why don't we start where we left off?". We spoke at the same time.

I was shocked by the disparity between our ideas. Start where we left off? What was he thinking? I knew he was always unpredictable and quirky, but I didn't think he would still want to start things again with me. This time, I wasn't angry or shocked. I was curious where this would lead. Anyway, there was nothing else for us to do, and I had nothing to lose either.

"What do you mean?", I asked, like I didn't understand what he meant.

"You know what I mean."

"No, I really don't understand. What do you mean by starting fresh? For starters, you have a fiance and now you want to start fresh with me?", I was puzzled.

"Don't you think it's easier if we keep the animosity away and start fresh?"

"Yes, but...uh... are you sure?", I asked.

His eyes sparkled in joy as he nodded with the same old innocent smile on his face. I realized how much I missed looking at him - his smile, the way he strokes his beard, and his scent. Why would he do this to me, again?

"Do you remember the time you made me watch The Notebook?"

"Of course. You cried like a little boy."

"No. I didn't"

"Oh. Yes, you did, Noel. Accept it"

"No way. Maybe my eyes were filled with tears, but I didn't cry."

"Big difference! Anyway, what about that movie?"

"After we watched the movie, we promised each other something. That we were going to be together forever no matter what happened."

"I know. How would I forget that!"

He nodded. "You need to know; even after our breakup, I never lost hope. I thought we'd be like Noah and Allie. I kept dreaming about the day we'd meet again and fall in love again. I kept waiting for you, but you never came."

"I missed you too, Noel. I know I made the decision for both of us, but I never stopped missing or loving you. I only wanted the best for us. You know that." I stopped myself from saying more. I've missed him for the most part of these few years. Flirting with another man only reminded me of him. It wasn't easy for me, as he thinks.

"Can I hold your hand?", he asked.

I froze, and I didn't know how to react. He slowly took my hands and interlaced his fingers with mine. It reminded me of the first time he took my hand in a movie theatre, and I used to tease him that he was the most cliche boyfriend I could ever get. His eyes met mine, but he was quiet.