Toxic But Mine

Chapter 9 - Sinners Who Regret

I woke up to the mildly bright sun slipping through the blinds. He was still asleep and I couldn't resist staring at his immaculate, resting face. He looked divine like that - without his angry eyes or the confusing smile he brings up when he is about to do something wicked. I closed up to him and cuddled as tears escaped me without a warning.

I couldn't desist if any of this was real. Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined waking up next to him. It wasn't a dream and I even checked it once or twice. It was a desire that came true. But something vexed me. Our relationship didn't have a name. Though, I knew it was intense without one.

I had a feeling that this was not going to last. What if it was just a passing moment we used to get what we wanted? I prayed that wasn't true. But I could feel a throbbing in my chest that didn't want to let him go. However cruel or stupid, he still felt mine. He was the devil I slept with. I wrap my arms around him and take it all in one more time. We cuddled again in confirmation of the previous night.

It felt safe in his arms once again. I felt lethargic and yet I mustered all the energy I could to let him know how I felt about him. I closed my eyes to feel his skin grazing mine and the warmth that exchanged between us.

Moments passed and he slowly shifted. He was waking up. I lazily turned away and sat myself up. I couldn't let him see the dried-up tears or my sunken face first thing in the morning. I stepped into the bathroom grabbed my clothes and shut myself in. Even if I wanted to be vulnerable in front of him, a part of my ego wouldn't let me. It wanted to protect my heart but it was going to burst nonetheless without telling him how I felt.

I couldn't point out exactly when I started having feelings for him again. Was it at the beach, in Rye, or in bed? I wasn't sure. Still, it felt real. Maybe there was always hope that we would get back together. Maybe all this time apart has been a test for our love. Doesn't it look like destiny brought us together?

I knew we had our differences but we couldn't deny the passion that burned even now. It was special and irreplaceable. Our story has had a big twist but maybe we were closer to the climax. Maybe there was a 'Happily Ever After' for us too.

But does he feel the same way? I didn't know what he was thinking. Was it love or was it just a fling? I couldn't discern from his actions. His mysterious ways sometimes pissed me off, especially when it came to matters of the heart. He was never really good at expressing his true feelings, then and now.

His actions felt blurry as I thought more about it. We had agreed to be friends only a few hours ago but we ended up devouring each other. My life had turned complicated the minute I saw him on the plane. Everything that happened since then has been baffling and twisted, if I think about it now. I couldn't fathom some parts of what happened nor could I understand where my head was. It was tough to imagine being on this brink any longer. I decided to talk to him and I knew there was no better moment.

I got out of the bathroom and saw his half-covered body still on the bed. He was texting someone sheepishly and I could imagine who it was. What was he going to do about her now? Was he telling her about the night and breaking up with her? He told me that he didn't love her anyway.

"Noel. Can we talk?"

"Okay," he placed his phone beside him ready to talk. "What is it?"

"You know what I'm about to ask. What does this mean for us?"

"You tell me", he sat, briskly folding his hands..

"Don't play with me, Noel. I'm serious"

"Why do you have to question everything? Don't you like to be happy for a change?"