(chapter 24 the memory)

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"Hi this is Marshall Medical Center how can I help you" a young lady said.

Sam didn't know what to say, how to properly speak for a few seconds, scared. He didn't know why but he was really nervous, scared that this was some bad case of something bucky had. He knew it was probably the bad case of the cold or fever but man, he was just nervous that it might be something more than just that. Bucky sat in the tub, feeling nervous on what Sam was doing. He knew Sam wasn't doing anything wrong but he just was curious on what he was doing. Now he trusted Sam, hell, with his whole fucking life but he just couldn't get his mind off of the thought of Sam calling the hospital. Even if Sam was though, bucky knew deep down it was the right choice, even if It did piss him off that he had to go. He needed to understand that this wasn't done place like hydra, that he wasn't going to get poked and stabbed with needles like he did there, this was a hospital, a place that help people in need and such. It still scared him though, creeped him out, the hospital hallways, the rooms, the tools, the buildings.

Bucky felt like he was dying, his stomach hurt, his head waved with pure agony, his shoulders hurt, ribs, his chest, his heart, his hands, everything, it was all so painful, he couldn't even understand how he wasn't screaming at the top of his lungs from how bad off he was. He groaned, leaning his head back a bit as his chest felt like it tightened. It felt like a person was squeezing his chest to death from behind. It's like he was getting stabbed with a knife, but the knife twisting slowly through his chest. He didn't know, he didn't understand, why, what was all of this pain, this suffering, torture for. What did he possibly even do to deserve all of this for. He killed people, a lot of people but come on now, it wasn't his fault, he didn't know that he wasn't doing wrong, that he was in the wrong at the time, all he knew was that everything he was doing was right and that he had to follow orders and that's what he did, but if he never saw Steve, he would most likely still be the evil, cruel murderer, winter soldier that he used to be.

Steve, man did bucky miss him, it was like a peice of him was left behind when Steve left him for Peggy. That day was one of the worst days for him, he felt destroyed, broken, torn down, it felt like every part of his walls in his head, crumbled down into thin dust. That day he cried, cried so hard until he couldn't anymore, until he felt numb like he did when he was the winter soldier. He remembered how he layed in bed for a few days, not even getting up to eat or drink, even take care of himself, all he wanted to do was just die, to turn into dust like he once did (meaning infinity war) but then it was him, it was always him, the one he could count on most, the one he loved most, Sam. Sam took care of him those few days, giving him food, telling him that he needed to take showers, to get cleaned, to brush his teeth and such. Sam took care of bucky and always gave him hugs, telling him that everything was going to be okay and that he was always there for him,....and look where they are now, together, loving each other like no other would.

Bucky hoped it lasted forever, but he knew deep down it would, he just hoped that nothing would ever happen to him or Sam while being alive. He knew he would outlive Sam, he just couldn't even think about losing Sam and having to live with that pain. He didn't want to lose him ever. "Hello?...is anyone there" the young lady said over the phone. Sam took in a breath, trying to figure out how he was going to explain all of these things or what he was about to say to her. He didn't know how bucky felt right now, he didn't know how much pain he was in but he knew that when he asked bucky if he was okay, and bucky responded with a 'no' he right then knew that bucky wasn't okay, he was in serious pain. Bucky never really admitted his feelings so it showed Sam that bucky was feeling really off. Sam shook his head, bringing his hand up and pinching the bridge of his nose. "I...Uhm yes hi uhmmm-i......I have uhm....My-my boyfriend he's not feeling the greatest and uh-hes like really bad off" Sam said. The lady stayed silent for a few moments, the only sound that was heard was the faint tapping on the keyboard.

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