The Memory Of Us

Chapter 25

"You could be nicer to him, you know." Noah offered in the car on the way to Chris's house.

Mina cradled her head in her hands, massaging her temples as if treating a migraine. "Noah-" She sighed in irritation. First Sahil and now this, she couldn't catch a break. "-please don't start." She practically pleaded with the girl who used to be her best friend. "I don't owe him anything." Mina said, a fact that she had to keep reminding herself of day after day.

It didn't matter that he had rescued her from the same fiery death as her dad or the same fire induced suffering as her mom, and it especially didn't matter that he was a considerably more logical and safe partner than Khalil would ever be.

She didn't owe him anything.

"I didn't say that you did!" Noah fired back in haste. "But I think that, when Khalil is around, you forget everybody else exists."

"No. I don't."

"You wouldn't have spoken to him like that if Khalil hadn't been there, and you know it."

Wrong.

Wrong.

Wrong.

She was just wrong, and Mina opted to tell her so.

"The two of you just can't seem to let go of 'old' Mina, and it's sad. Truly." She said, pity laced through her tone as she dropped her hands from her head and turned to face her friend now.

"You want me to be nice, soft-spoken Mina-" She began. "-you want me to be people-pleaser Mina, you want me to be the Mina who constantly pretended that everything was fine and that she knew what she was doing. But that Mina died months ago and she's never coming back! And I'm not going to apologize for that." She couldn't keep the anger from her voice now. "I'm not going to apologize for the fact that I don't like Sahil, or that I simultaneously hate and love my mom, or that some days I wish my dad were alive and some days I'm happy he's gone, or that I'm constantly confused, or that despite everything he's done I love Khalil!" She finished, breathing heavily. But, at the realization of the last words she had spoken, she quickly clamped a single hand over her mouth.

"You-" Noah stuttered, daring to glance over at her out of the corner of her eye. "You love him?"

She did, and deep down she had known it from the beginning. She had known it since she had walked away from him in the hospital all those months ago, she had known it even after she had discovered who he truly was and what he had done.

She was just afraid to admit it to herself, to admit that she loved someone who could only be described as a 'killer.'

"I really don't need your judgment right now, Noah." Mina said from beneath her hand. "In fact, it's the last thing I need."

"I'm not judging you!" Noah said, before quickly correcting herself. "At least, I'm not trying to." She said, and Mina almost thought she sounded sincere. Almost. "I just want to understand what you're seeing that the rest of us aren't."

"I don't know." Mina shrugged, dropping her hand finally. "I can't explain, at least not in coherent words." She attempted to try anyway.

"You know how when you start to outgrow clothes you don't notice it at first?" She began, staring at the side of Noah's head. "They just start to get tighter and more uncomfortable and you don't realize that they're too small until they're basically cutting off your circulation?" She waited for Noah's nod that she understood before she continued on.

"That's what Palm Valley was like for me before Khalil showed up. And, when I met him, suddenly I felt like I could breathe again. He understood me in a way that no one else did. He made me feel seen and heard like I never had. He made me feel safe. And he made me feel loved."