Broken hearts ✓ᵗᵏ

Chapter 23 ✓

TW: suicide attempt!!!

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Drowning on the surface

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   It was never easy for Jungkook to pretend that everything was fine... that he was fine, but he got used to it. He had to present himself as someone who does not need help, someone who will never ask for any support - this is because he has never received such a thing before, from anyone. He was always an abandoned child, left on his path to haunt alone. He was (and still is) a child of the Sun and the Moon - at least that's what he likes to tell himself. Besides, why would he have the fate he has? Why would he have been left from childhood like a toy that no one wants?

    "I can't do this. I can't be that selfish." the boy whispers to himself, trying to push aside the sick feeling he has.

    He throws the blade away from him and then looks down at his wrist. His stomach clenches painfully at the sight of blood dripping down his hand, while feels his head getting heavier. His mouth suddenly feels dry, and his legs seem to have no strength left. He can no longer distinguish reality from fiction, but he knows that whatever it is, it is full of pain.

    He didn't want to do that - at least, that's what he kept telling himself in the last days. He shouldn't have done that - at least, that's what he was trying to pretend. But as soon as he was left alone with his thoughts, the temptation was too big - the pain became a pleasure, and the fog disappeared instantly.

   Everything he tried to avoid after Jackson's return to the landscape, after what happened because of that failed mission...hit him hard today, when Taehyung had to deal with something personal, and he was no longer able to to sit next to him.

    And he knows. He knows he shouldn't have done that. He tried to put aside all the negative feelings. He tried to play with Yeontan, watch TV, read, go outside... but nothing helped. Today, more than ever, all thoughts were one and the same, telling the boy: "This life is not worth it. You need to get the hell out of here."

   And he did. He listened to his heart, letting his mind witness his own disaster.

   He is sorry? He would be more than a liar if he said yes - at least completely. Only after the blood began to leave his own body, only after the oxygen began to become hard to find, only after his legs began to go numb and his head began to throb with pain... only after all this, the boy he can say that he felt somewhat in peace.

    Yes, the agent was always there for Jungkook. To be honest, Taehyung was the reason why Jungkook kept trying to fight the demons that tormented him night after night, day after day. But not even Taehyung - the boy's angel - was strong enough to kill all his demons.

    "Kook! Are you in your room?"

   The boy smiles weakly when he hears the voice of the man for whom he tried to continue living. He knows what shock the agent will have, and for that, he will not be able to forgive himself- either in this world or in the world he is about to enter. He knows that he is more than an egoist. But he could no longer continue like this, he could no longer exist in a dead body for a long time. He felt rotten inside, and the only way to escape from his pain was this.

   "Kookie, I was about to-"

  Taehyung stops saying anything as soon as he enters the room and sees Jungkook. The heart fails to beat for a few seconds, and his hands start shaking immediately. He only manages to stay still for a few moments, and when he realizes that this terrible sight is not a nightmare that feels damn real, tears immediately fall down his cheeks.