Estrella

Chapter 3: "We are going on an adventure today!"

I woke up to the sounds of Elle's cartoons on the tv. I left them on last night because I can't seem to sleep without background noise. Elle was snuggled up against me, and my heart melted. I love my baby so much.

I got up and started to unpack our bags into the small dresser in the bedroom part of the room. I hate unpacking with a passion but it needed to be done. Hopefully we'll be here for a while and won't have to move again.

Moving around was not good for Elle and I wanted her to have a good, stable childhood. I wanted to give her what I wasn't able to have. I want her to actually go to school and get an education, unlike me.

I never went to school, so the few skills I do have are self taught. I still struggle to read anything more than common basic words, and I can't do more than simple math. I'm kind of embarrassed about it, and it's the main reason I can only work at cafe's and low skill jobs. I hope to one day be able to read one of the chapter books I see at the libraries, but I'll have to take baby steps.

We had one package of ramen left and I started to cook it when the thoughts came back.

"You look like a fat pig. That's why mom and dad hate you. You see me, they love me. You know why? Because I'm not fucking obese."

I thought about the food I ate last night. Was it too much? How many calories were in that steak?

I walked into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. Did I gain weight?

Fat bitch

How much did I weigh now?

Useless fat ass.

I used my hand and grabbed my arm, trying to get my fingers to touch. They didn't.

I tried to make the thoughts go away, I really did. I thought I was getting better. I hadn't had these thoughts in weeks.

Truth be told, I still struggled with my eating disorder. I really didn't want to have one, trust me the thoughts aren't fun, but I am a product of my childhood. The thoughts are so engraved into my brain that I struggle to block them out. Sometimes I wake up still thinking that I am in that house, and I have to remind myself that I'm not. That I escaped. That they can't find me anymore.

Even after reminding myself of all these things, I couldn't bring myself to eat. I made the ramen since I already opened it and left it out for Elle to eat after she wakes up.

I really wish I had something nutritious for her to eat, but unfortunately healthy food is expensive and we don't have the money for that.

I sat down at the couch, the worn frame dipping as I sat down. I turned on Tangled, my favorite Disney movie behind Moana. Basically all I watch is the Disney channel for two reasons. One, its amazing and actually very entertaining, and two, it's not very triggering. Most adult shows have lots of drama, cursing, murder and whatnot, so I steer clear of them for obvious reasons.

I was at the part where Rapunzel whacks Flynn with the frying pan when I heard bare feet against the tiles. I looked up to see Elle walking towards me, so I sat up so she could have room on the couch.

"Good morning sleepy head," I greeted as I kissed her forehead.

"Morning Mommy," she replied with a sleepy grin.

"I made you some ramen. Are you hungry?"

She was quick to nod, so I got up from the uncomfortable couch, and reheated the ramen for a few seconds before giving it to her.

"Thank you!"

She was wide awake now. She loved food with a passion. We were polar opposites in that way.

She finished her ramen and I got her colors so she could draw while I finished the movie.

I wanted to stay on the springy couch forever, but I knew since I didn't find a job yesterday that I needed to today, and Elle was just going to have to come with me.

"Elle we are going on an adventure today," I grinned as I tickled her from where she sat on the floor.

"Really! Where?" She questioned once she caught her breath.

"We are going to go explore the city! Isn't that fun," I asked and she nodded, "Okay well you have to be on your best behavior. No more eating food you didn't buy."

"Okay! Let me get my shoes on Mommy!"

We both got our shoes on, worn out things that I got at the Goodwill, and left to start our journey.

We had been to three restaurants when we came across a café with a sign that said Now Hiring.

As we entered, I couldn't help but feel more calm. It was made up half like a book store and half café, and there was the sweet smell of coffee and pastries in the air.

There was an older woman, maybe in her forties or fifties, with brown slightly graying hair and a kind smile at the register. I was relieved to see such a kind face. I hadn't seen many of those in the city.

"Hello I'm here about the job opening?" The way I said it was more of a question than a statement.

"Of course dear. My name is Mrs. Honey. What's yours hun?" She smiled at me. It was so sweet how her eyebrows crinkled when she smiled.

"My name's Estrella. Nice to meet you," I was trying to pull my hand up to shake her hand, but Elle would not let go.

"And who are you, sweetie?" Mrs. Honey asked Elle.

She buried her face into my legs, pulling on my dress and being shy.

"She's my daughter. Her names is Elle. She's just being bashful right now aren't you," I smiled down at her as I tickled her. Her giggles filled the whole café. Mrs. Honey laughed along with us. I looked at her, my tension gone. I hope I get this job. Mrs. Honey seems so nice, the atmosphere here is so calming, and it's only a twenty minute walk from the apartment. It would be perfect.

"So about the job, I was wondering what openings you have?"

"Right now we are looking for a waitress/counter girl. Are you interested?"

"Yes, absolutely. I've worked at many cafe's before as we moved around a lot but we are hoping to stay in place this time."

"Perfect! Your hired."

What? Did she just say I'm hired?

"That's it? No interview with the boss or the owner?"

"Sweetie I am the owner," She motioned towards the sign that said Honey's Café, "And I already can tell you'd be a great worker."

"Thank you so much. When do I start?" I was eager to begin so I could get caught up on money.

"You can start tomorrow if your available." Yes!

"Sure thing. Thank you again," I said as I started to leave with Elle. "Oh, one more thing. Is it okay if I bring Elle? She doesn't have anyone to stay with and I can't afford-"

"It's more than okay dear." She cut me off.

"Okay thank you again. See you tomorrow then Mrs. Honey."

I can't believe I just snagged that job. And Mrs. Honey, the owner, my boss, was so nice! At all my other jobs they were rude and mean towards me for no reason. Things were starting to look up.

"I like Mrs. Honey," Elle said and I was surprised. She usually never said things like that out loud.

"Me too. In fact, we are going to see her again tomorrow."

"Yay!" She cheered as we entered the building.

Once again I didn't pay attention to my surroundings, but if I had, I would've notice the three men following us all day.