Anastasia

Twenty-Two

Austin's head was spinning.

He didn't expect to feel this way, but feelings couldn't be predicted.

In three weeks, he'd be leaving Anastasia.

It was the last thing he wanted to do.

Before, it was just a hiccup in his plan, now it was an actual pain in his heart.

Ow.

She was making an irreplaceable imprint in his life and heart.

He loved her.

It was true.

But he didn't think love felt like this.

He wanted to turn off the feelings, but it was impossible.

What was going to happen when he left?

Would he fall back into foolishness?

Would Anastasia's heart return to its former state?

Would what they made last?

He didn't know.

But he did know the One who knew all things.

"Lord, I-i don't even know what's happenin. I want to stay. I can't stay. I want to be with her, but I have to go,"

It was good to deal with this now.

"I don't want to leave if it means we take a step back. I know she ain't said nothing like that, but it could happen." He sighed and kicked the dirt. "I oughta just be upfront with you, Lord,"

God knew everything.

Even the things Austin refused to admit.

"I don't want her to find somebody better than me. I know she, I know she loves me, but am I worth waitin for?"

Was he?

"Help me see my worth in You. She say she likes me as I am, it blesses my heart. Insecurities come and go, but if I stay grounded in Your words, and remember the sweet way chère loves me, I'll make it."

No one but God knew their future.

He hoped to-

He couldn't even think it through.

Austin chuckled at his stupidity.

It was okay to be hopeful in his mind and with God.

He sucked his teeth and just said it.

"I want to marry her,"

He really did.

It was truer than true and clearer than air.

And it was why he was suddenly unsure about leaving.

Unsettled.

Anastasia was engaged before.

But did she want to try again?

He didn't know.

But he wouldn't know if he never tried.

Not now.

It was too soon.

He wanted to give her time to confess she loved him.

He knew. He wouldn't rush her. But he knew.

It was all new to him.

He never loved a woman before.

He never wanted to dote on a woman before.

He never wanted to spend forever learning her heart and what made her cute nose scrunch up.