ITS YOU ; DRACO MALFOY

chapter 202.

Steaming tea wafts in my face, calming me down, and I close my eyes. "It was awful." I inform, opening my eyes again to look at my Mother. "I couldn't hold myself together. I...I drove around for fifteen minutes trying to calm down and that's how I got here."

She strokes my head, lovingly, and I sip the luscious tea that she prepared for me. "You still love him." She accuses and I stay silent. I can't still love him. I'm married. "And you know you do."

I shake my head at that. "No, Mother, it hurts to see him." I complain and the tears fill my eyes again. "I know how it felt love to him and this is the exact opposite of that." 

The woman drags her focus to my hands and her head tilts to the side. "Then why do you still wear that ring?" I ignore the question and drink the tea instead. "What happened between the two of you?"

Loathing that question is what keeps me going. I have neither the energy nor the want to answer it. "We just...broke up." I answer and she sighs. "I'm sorry, okay? I don't want to talk about it. It's not right that I still feel this way. I'm married to someone else!"

The sympathetic look in my Mother's eyes prepares me for what she's about to say next. "You're married to someone you no longer love. You haven't loved him for many years. You're hurt at the thought of Draco because you want him to be in Cedric's spot like he was before. And that's okay."

It's not okay. It's not true and it's not fair. "I love Cedric." I slowly tell her so that she can comprehend the sentence.

The woman looks as if she feels for me and it furthers my annoyance. "Does Cedric know about the box at the back of your wardrobe?" She questions and I look away from her. "Why do you have that box if you no longer love him?"

Memories.

I can't bring myself to throw any of the stuff away so I put it all in an old shoe box and put it at the back of the wardrobe so Cedric doesn't ever open it. "It's not my stuff. It's not up to me to throw anything away so I've got it in case Draco ever comes for it." I say and my Mother shakes her head at my lie.

The twinge in my nose appears again and my eyes become heavy with tears. I let one roll down my cheek and my Mother's soft finger strokes it away. She takes the cup of tea from me and places it on the coffee table as many more tears mark my face. "I miss him." I admit and her expression softens immediately. "I miss him so much and the feeling never goes away. Every time I look at Lorelai it just gets worse and seeing him today really hurt. He was so distant, so cold. I just wanted a...a hug from him to feel better. And I'm an awful person. I've got Cedric waiting for me at home but I'm here crying about my ex to my Mother. What kind of a person does that?"

Drowsiness consumes me the longer that I cry and my Mother wipes my tears away with the pads of her thumbs. "Do you want to go home to Cedric?" She asks and I guiltily shake my head. "...do you want to go back to Draco."

Not seeing him made it so much easier to live without him but now the pain is unbearable. "I...I want...I want it all to go back to the way it was. Mother, I can't deal with this pain anymore. It makes me feel violently ill. I cry everyday and feel so guilty afterwards and just cry even more because of it. And it just gets worse. Every single day."

My tears are too much for her to handle now so my Mother grabs me the tissue box and pulls a handful of tissues out before patting my tears away for me. "You can't go your whole life without talking to the father of your baby." My Mother chimes, "Especially when you want to so bad. If you want to talk to him then talk to him. Cedric is your husband and he loves and trusts you, he would understand."

He honestly wouldn't understand and my Mother doesn't either.

Conversing with Draco will open up a gate that I'm trying my hardest to keep closed. I cannot open it. It wouldn't be fair to me, to him, to Cedric. Therefore, it needs to stay closed.

The tears sink into my skin and the sadness has turned into emptiness. It always ends this way. I cry and then feel like there's nothing. Just...nothing at all.

I drink the last of the cup of tea my Mother made as she strokes my hair and I pull my sweater sleeves over my hands. "I can't do that." I blatantly reply, "I need to go back to Cedric and let him know that I'm fine. I should be home by now."

My mother kisses my forehead and I inhale shakily. "Thank you for letting me sit here and cry to you." She dismissively waves her hand and shakes her head to tell me it's okay so I give her an appreciative smile. "I'll call you tomorrow. Tell Father I say hello."

My Mother reassures that she'll pass the message on to my Father when he gets back from the Ministry and we share a long goodbye before I finally begin my drive back home.

Driving past Draco and I's old estate floods me with multiple memories so I quickly speed down the street to get it all off my mind. I am a mess.

Once I get home I try to recollect myself in the car and I rub the dark circles under my eyes as an attempt to lighten them but nothing changes so I let out a heavy sigh before actually going inside the house.

I'm immediately welcomed by Teddy jumping up my legs at the front door and I chuckle before picking him up in my arms and allowing him to smother me with kisses. "Traffic?" Cedric questions, entering the room with a dish cloth in his hand.

I swallow the lump in my throat and smile instead. "Lots." I lie and he seethes. I bite my tongue so I don't further the lie and make it more unbelievable, the roads were very much clear, and he pecks a welcoming kiss on my cheek.

A smirk covers his features and I frown. "Now we have the house to ourselves." He points out and the frown disappears. A feeling in my stomach arises instead and it does not feel good. "What ever shall we do with all this free time on our hands?"

Read? "No idea." I reply and his lips are on mine in an instant. Teddy squirms in my hands so I pull away to let him run about on the floor but as soon as I've done that, Cedric pulls me up by my chin and kisses me again.

I am too wrapped up in everything else for this.

Which is why I say, "I'm tired...I'm sorry. I'm not in the mood, not tonight." His face tells me that he isn't taking that response very well and his body tells me the same thing. I'm released from his touch and his hands are on his hips.

The dissatisfaction is clear and it upsets me. "You're always tired." The brunette complains and I don't even try to waste my energy by disagreeing. "And I'm beginning to think that you're lying."

Do the dark circles under my eyes not tell him everything that he needs to know? "I'm not in the mood." I repeat, "I just want to get changed and sleep. I'm sorry that you fucking me isn't at the top of my to-do list."

His hands run through his hair and I scratch the back of my neck while I wait for his response. He can either yell at me or allow it, there's no in between. "Whatever. You've got to be at the Ministry tomorrow so get some sleep."

I smile. "Thank you."

I stand on my tip toes and kiss his forehead before muttering 'Goodnight' against his oily skin.

An imagine of his hair being bright blonde and his eyes being silver flashes across my mind and the tears are back in my eyes within a second.