Summary: after brutally losing an entire team on a mission, reader can't help but to wallow in self pity. a worried soap checks on his first love. Notes:
warnings: reader has a "bf" back home so it's basically cheating. i can say this is kinda... bad
wrdcnt: 2.7K
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Labored breaths escape the rawness of your nostrils as you swipe and swipe at the dried blood around your nails underneath the strong stream of water shooting out of the shower head. A strong pounding in your head worsens the blurry vision that dares to send more tears down your stained cheeks. The red that dried into your skin is not yours, it's the blood of your team that was ambushed during a moment of victory.
One moment, everything was okay and the five of you were happy about the success of taking down a terrorist group of extremist but, the next moment, everything blew up in your faces. The panic since then hasn't left your body nor did the image of your injured teammates taking their last breaths.
The moment you made it back to the barracks, Soap was already at your side and holding you after hearing of the unfortunate turn of events. Coddling your teammates was a silent forbidden thing around the base but he was always beyond the rules when it came to you. Sure, he angered Shepherd a lot but how could he ever let you suffer alone? You didn't cry or hold him back but instead sat there and gazed at the hard floor at your feet. Though the barracks were all split into tiny two person rooms with bunk beds, that rule-abiding part of you couldn't cry in front of him. To cry meant that you weren't prepared and to be unprepared is to be unfit for your job. Perhaps pride had a good grip on you until you got in the shower.
Your roommate briefly stops by the room to fetch their jacket and unexpectedly was met with the sight of Sergeant Mactavish sitting on the edge of your bed and tentatively watching the bathroom door. They briefly exchange a small glance but Soap doesn't look away from the bathroom door, even ignoring the rookie that bids him a quiet goodbye. Strong worry was clawing and gnawing at the back of his head. Soap has known you for eight years now and has been loving you for seven of them. The two of you had four long, memorable, and joyous years of loving each other until a disagreement from a mission that took place a year ago.
It was the day task force 141 needed both your stealth team and shadow company on stand by all in effort to calmly obtain el sin nombre. He remembers the way you exploded on him in front of everyone as if it just happened yesterday. You cursed and argued about who should be the person to offer intel just for him to keep his determination in stone. It didn't help that Alejandro kept warning him that he would most likely be killed for even stepping on the property in the open. That was also the day that everyone realized that the two of you were surely more than comrades.
