He Loves Me, I Love Ballet

Chapter 15

**Rian's POV**

Heartbreak.

My hands made manacles around her frail arms, holding her down as she thrashed. She screamed with rage, in full outraged hysteria now, and it seemed her fearful, disease-ridden mind had vanished into some dark place that she was unable to escape. She turns her beautiful eyes towards me and addresses me with an unbearable hatred.

"WHY DO YOU CARE?" She screams. "Go away! I don't WANT you and I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP! Just get out! Don't you get it? I don't love you. I will never love you. You have nothing for me, all you do is hurt me and say you're trying to save me. You idiot, you pathetic little fool! Can't you tell when you're not wanted?!"

Her frantic struggles died down. She was too exhausted to be so angry. But then, then she tortured me more. My Maria pleaded with me, begged me to help her. Her broken whispers of 'please' and 'don't make me' weren't mere sounds but daggers, knives that pierced my wounded heart straight through again and again. She asked me to help her in a way that I can't, and it's indescribable, the feeling when you know you just can't give someone you love what they want. It kills you.

She hates me, and I love her. She doesn't want what little support I can offer, and she doesn't want anyone's help. She's dying and she won't do anything about it, so I have to make her miserable, make her hate me. Great (I say with the most miserable sarcasm).

I try to have hope that she'll learn to love me, at least like me, even just tolerate me once she's healing. I know it's an uphill battle that she's fighting mostly alone, but I could never believe any enemy, even anorexia, capable of defeating her. I have hope because I have faith in her. She'll win her fight, right? I mean, she has to.

To think that while I'm sitting in a rehab room, crying and pining over my sedated anorexic love, my friends are out with their girlfriends, laughing it up and eating pizza. Who says they should get their happy, simple lives and Maria should get stuck with something that kills her? Why did life deal such a beautiful person the worst of hands? Why can't I have the Maria I love back, with her perfect body, brilliant mind, and beautiful heart? It's all barely there anymore. She's in that sick, ruined body somewhere, I know she is. But the disease won't let my Maria be, and it fills her mind with lies and her life with darkness. It isnt right, what's happening to her. I'm going to get that light, joyful, lively, utterly perfect Maria back, because she deserves to live a happyt life. I won't let her be miserable any longer.

Rehab is the best place for her. She can get help here. I'm convinced that there's hope.

She'll get better.

She has to get better.