He Loves Me, I Love Ballet

Chapter 8

***MARIA'S POV***

Rian walked up to me when we came back from spring break on June first. He asked me, "Do you honestly not feel anything? You don't care at all about me or what I said?"

I shook my head and went to get my dance bag out of my locker.

"You can't tell me all you care about is ballet," He continued, "Because you must feel something."

I closed my locker and walked towards the changing rooms. He followed and kept talking.

"I know you must have some sort of reaction. All humans have emotion. I can't help that I fell for you and you can't help that you have feelings just like everyone else."

I reached the door of the changing room and opened it. He kept up right behind me. "You're seriously so desperate that you're going in here?" He nodded. I shrugged and walked over to the bench, setting down my dance bag. I'm so early that none of the girls in my class are here yet, so it doesn't matter.

"You can't deny yourself everything that makes you human. I know you barely eat and know you don't even feel emotion? That's not right!"

I just pulled out my leo and tights and started stripping off my jeans. I'm just getting ready for class as usual, lover boy isn't gonna mess with my schedule.

***RIAN'S POV***

She took off her jeans and I couldn't help but stare at her legs. They were beautiful and shapely but too, too, way too thin. She was hurting herself. I could never have imagined how excruciating this would be. I had to watch someone I loved as they slowly killed themselves and I had to watch. What could I do after all?

She pulled off her shirt and I almost gagged. Her ribs stuck a mile out and her hipbones looked like daggers. She turned and stared into the mirror for a long moment.

I broke the silence. "You're too thin Maria. Beautiful, but too thin."

"As if. I've still got a little ways to go." Then she expertly put on tights and a leotard. I think any piece of clothing that tight would take me at least an hour. She motioned for me to come closer and touched her bra strap. "Off, please. May as well make yourself useful." I was a little surprised and even annoyed. Did she not realize what a request like that did to a guy? Even in this state, she was still the most beautiful person I'd ever seen. I slowly unclipped it and let my fingers fall onto her back. She pulled the bra over her head and let it fall back onto the bench. I let my fingers travel down her back, feeling every vertebrae and rib. My hands rested on her waist while she adjusted the straps of her leotard. She looked into the mirror at my reflection, staring straight into my eyes, and then I couldn't help myself. I spun her around and kissed her like I don't think I've ever kissed anyone before. She didn't react at all, just let my lips move against hers until I gave up and pulled away. I looked into her deep brown eyes and tried to illicit some sort of response. She just stared right back. I stepped back and groaned in frustration.

"Nothing? You feel NOTHING?!" I said in agony. She's the only person who's ever made me feel anything and she has nothing to feel back. "I kissed you! I told you I loved you and you feel nothing! That kiss meant nothing to you! I can't believe it!" I swore I saw a flicker of something in her eyes, something to remind me she was still human, still Maria. But she did nothing. I walked out to the parking lot and leaned against my car. Then I spun around and kicked the tires and screamed because for once in my life I care, and she doesn't care that I do. This whole love thing is just good old fashioned masochism. She's killing me and she's killing herself and there's nothing, nothing I can do. Nothing. I'd give anything to have her kiss me back, have her feel something for me.

***MARIA'S POV***

I wanted to yell as he stormed out. I wanted to believe that I could be a normal girl and fall for him. I wanted to so badly.

Because I did feel something. I did feel something, Rian. I did