Chiara Rose

diciasette

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tw - mention of anxiety, panic attacks, loss of a loved one, drug use and abuse.

Chiara's POV

This ice-cold water doesn't even feel ice-cold anymore. I've been running my hand under it for at least 2 minutes in an attempt to distract myself from the erratic way my heart is beating in my chest, the dizziness in my head, and the way I can't stop my hands or legs from shaking.

It's a fat-ass anxiety attack. I'm not an idiot. It's not my first one, it's just really poor timing. I was hoping I could hold this out to at least tomorrow, where I could have it in the peace of my own home and not have to converse with anyone after it. But I have a whole family that I haven't seen in 14 years waiting for me to come out of here, which absolutely terrifies me.

I've tried every trick on the books to calm myself done, deep breathing, counting slowly, the whole 5 senses thing. But not a single one of them has worked. I really want to pluck out every anxious particle in my body and set it on fire. But then I'd just be setting my entire body on fire.

I'm about to use my final strategy, a child's sensory fruit dancing video when I hear the first bathroom door open. I frantically start rubbing my hands together to make it look like I'm just washing my hands. But then the second door opens, and Tino waltzes through the door.

And I can't tell if I'm relieved or not. I'm relieved that it's not some random who's witnessing me on the verge of a breakdown. But this is a women's restroom, and I don't think Tino is a woman.

"Is it just you in here?" Tino asks with furrowed brows and does a once over of this extravagantly decorated bathroom. I'm in shock, trying to hide the fact that I'm having an attack and simultaneously trying to figure out what he's doing.

Once he's done a walkthrough of the bathroom and determined it's clear for him to be here, which it still isn't he turns his attention back to me. And I'm still pretending like I'm washing my hands, not grounding myself from a silly little anxiety attack.

"Have you tried anything else? Or have you only attempted freezing your hands off." Tino asks softly, switching the tap off. I kind of freeze, I don't quite know how he caught me that quickly.

"I tried other things," I say, my voice barely above a whisper. Tino slowly nods his head in response and grabs one of the hand towels, this place is so fancy it has proper towels instead of paper towels, and he wraps my hands up in it. He grabs all my rings from where I'd placed them and leads me over to the seating area. Yeah, this toilet has a seating area with awfully comfortable couches.

"Is it an anxiety or panic attack?" Tino asks softly, taking the towel off of my hands and offering me my rings back.

"Anxiety." I respond quickly and distract myself by putting my rings back on their respective fingers. And then that's done, I keep twisting them in intervals of 2 around my fingers, to try and get them to feel right.

"Mhm." Tino responds, before slumping back into the sofa. I don't dare look at him, but the floor does become awfully entertaining. It looks really rich. But it's not distracting me from Tino's gaze that is burning into my soul.

"Dad wants to know if you need orange juice." Tino asks, breaking the silence. And I can't help the small smile that appears on my face.

"I'm all good." I softly respond. And then more silence takes over the room, but it's not a tense silence. It's a comfortable silence. But my hands are still shaking and my legs are still bouncing, and my heart still hasn't figured out how to work properly.