Schritt für Schritt (step by step)

A Fucking Gryffindor.

A/N: As you'll notice, this story is coming to an end. It felt right at that point, so I hope it will feel right to you too. There will be one / two more chapters or maybe an epilogue, though. :) Also, I was listening to "One Without" by Oliver Coates while writing this, if you want to, have a listen. Have fun reading and, if you want to, leave a vote or a comment! 

What was it like before?

Funnily enough, the first person Lia sees when she walks into Arsenal headquarters is Caitlin. They have not really been in contact since the end of their relationship, although Lia doesn't think that she's been consciously avoiding the Australian. She doesn't know whether Caitlin has been consciously avoiding her, either. But she has gotten over worrying about that. She appreciated the way Caitlin cared for her when she got injured in May. Sometimes, it feels like their relationship didn't happen; moments like these remind Lia that Caitlin was once the most important person in her life. Her life must have been less important to her, she thinks. She can't get herself to remember what it was like.

What was it like before?

Lia hasn't had the opportunity to congratulate Caitlin on the amazing performance of the Matildas at the World Cup, their World Cup. Caitlin thanks her stiffly when she does now. Lia is almost amused at the awkward manner put up by her ex-girlfriend. She can sense that Caitlin is still trying to impress her. In the very least, she seems to care about what Lia thinks of her. Lia notices, once again, that she really does not. She hasn't for a few months now. She does not even care to rebuild a friendship, not that that's something she actively seeks to reject. But at the moment, she knows Caitlin is just wasted energy, as awful as that sounds. Lia's energy resources are scarce. She knows she must use them sparingly. After their forced small talk, there is a moment of silence that Lia knows Caitlin's perceiving as uncomfortable as she looks around the room nervously, trying to find a new topic to talk about. She is visibly relieved when the door to the meeting room is opened, although only for a moment: Katie's the one entering. Lia chuckles softly. As she hasn't actually been living under a rock during the summer, she saw the footage of Rue not shaking Caitlin's hand; of Katie and Caitlin walking through Sidney together. But again, she constated that she doesn't care. She has to admit that she enjoys the way Katie and Caitlin seem to think she does, though.

Then the door opens again.

What was it like before?

Different. She doesn't remember not feeling what she does at the face that has been constantly present in her mind while actually being miles away for the past three months. Involuntarily, Wally has been thinking about what it would be like seeing Leah again since she last saw her. She remembers that moment so vividly. Leah's face being lit up regularly by the flashing club lights. Her cheeks reddened slightly, she had been dancing all night after all, ruffled hair, out of breath. Staring at her, rattled at what Lia had just done. Lia recalls the embarrassment, the anger she immediately felt at herself, especially for what she did afterwards. Especially for the running. She still hates herself for that part a bit. But she's decided to do this in a grown-up way. She's been staying at her own house for the past two nights as she figured she needed some time before facing Leah; but she's set her mind on talking to her and apologizing for her very drunken mistake and the way she handled it afterwards. So, that's how she whished this moment would play out (although she did have doubts about whether she would be able to pull through with it – what do I not have doubts about at the moment?).

Leah doesn't see her when she enters the room. Or when she stops chatting lightly to Steph. She doesn't see her after she warmly welcomes Alessia, who Arsenal have newly signed, neither after getting a hot chocolate and sitting down next to Beth and Viv. She doesn't greet all of her teammates before Jonas gets started with his first speech of the season, but she greets most of them. It takes Lia a few minutes to realize that she might be avoiding her. It makes sense, she tells herself, after Lia's boundary-crossing actions. Just thinking about the possibility of Leah continuing to ignore her makes her feel sick to the stomach and doesn't catch a word of what Jonas tells them.