Schritt für Schritt (step by step)

Leah's June, July, August.

A/N: Hello everyone. This is the first of two relatively short chapters that I'll publish in the next few days. It shows Leah's perspective of the time the two of them are separated, Lia's will follow in the next chapter. Hope you enjoy, and as always I'm happy about a comment or a vote. :) 

Leah dreaded the World Cup before. She dreaded the feelings she knew she would be experiencing; she dreaded the ones she didn't know about. She dreaded the way she would be thinking about her knee, her body, the way she knew she would be damning it. She dreaded flying down to Australia as a fan. She knows that one day, when she retires, that's all she will be. She really didn't want a sneak peek of that. She dreaded the media. The way there would so much and so little focus on her at the same time. She dreaded the fans. Because she loves them, of course. And because the fans, with their love and their expectations, also scare her.

But before, she always thought that she'll have Lia by her side, at least. If not physically, emotionally. As someone to rely on. Someone who she could talk to, who would understand, or at least try to. Leah thought she would have her as a friend, in no way implying she had expected her romantic feelings towards her to pass.

Losing Lia like she did hurts, and it makes everything else hurt so much more.

Leah goes on holiday twice in June. She needs something to distract her from her tedious days in the gym and from the big upcoming show. She is joined by Keira, a few of their friends and her cousins the first time. She ends up loving some of the time she spends in Ibiza – but then again, that's just the evenings Keira manages to convince Leah to get drunk. Keira would always have a close, caring eye on her best friend, though. She has been the one to experience first-hand what Leah is going through, and she knows that Leah's not in her usual composed, collected state of mind. They haven't really talked it through. Keira doesn't want to pressure Leah into saying anything and Leah never has the energy to actually bring the topic up.

That changes on the third day of their stay on Ibiza. It's 11.30am and Keira is hung-over. Leah's doing worse, but Keira doesn't have the nerve for constantly being the person Leah takes her bad temper out on. Keira has told Leah that she has to get up for the third time now ("Seriously, they'll close the buffet!"), but the blonde keeps ignoring her.

"Okay. Okay, that's enough now." Keira lets herself fall on the bed next to Leah and yanks her phone out of her hand. Leah looks at her in outrage, but Keira just says: "I've given you enough time. Talk. Say... anything. You'll have it afterwards." Although Keira's putting a tough demeanor on, she's intimidated by Leah's hateful look as she aggressively tries to get her phone back. Keira struggles back though, which leads to Leah's attempts getting more desperate, and all of a sudden, the thin layer of anger is dissolved and Leah's crying in Keira's arms. Heart still racing from the courage this took her, Keira softly strokes Leah's back and murmurs "shh... it's okay" into the blonde hair. "I don't know why it's so fucked up." Leah's words are just about understandable as she muffled them into Keira's jumper. Keira moves back a bit and searches for an explanation in Leah's face. "You're going to have to tell me more than that, Le." Leah sighs.

And then starts, right at the very beginning. With her injury, the ride on the coach. With Lia's words that got through to her, kept getting through to her during that first time. The way Lia took care of and cared for her, and the way she started caring for Lia. The beauty of their harmony. The ease that came with it. The moment Leah could no longer deny her feelings for the Swiss, Wally's injury, the overwhelming anger and fear Leah sensed in that moment. Their trip to Eindhoven; then to Barça. The party. Leah's talk with Ana. How she thought, right afterwards, she would finally be honest and grown up about her feelings towards Lia. How she was determined to talk to her. The way she then continued to bail again, not finding the moment or the right words or the confidence. The kiss. The kiss that caught her so off guard she didn't even react to it; the way she failed to react afterwards. Her incapability to interpret what just happened ("I'm still like – so sorry, she... she must have felt so uncomfortable, and I guess she was also drunk... but she could have been nicer about it... Her – her text the next morning fucking... broke... everything in me, Kei.").