Attention||Jihan~ (⚠️DISCONTINUED⚠️)

Begin||ch-4

"Mr. Hong, do you want to be disqualified from the dance?"

Joshua's head stood low as guilt rushed up his veins. Ever since that phone call he has been unable to focus. He was either too worried about impressing his teacher or he was too worried about earning enough prize money to help his mother. Yes, his mother. For week now she has been in a coma due to a car accident. Joshua was unable to provide any sort of money to help with the surgery that could help her recover faster. One night he nonchalantly decided to participate in a dance competition with no hopes of being selected but his hopes rose up when he received his acceptance letter.

Joshua knew he had to work hard. He barely got his mother admitted in the hospital, he had to earn enough money to pay for the surgery. The thought always lingered in his mind: what if she never woke up? Joshua had lost everyone in his life. His high school boyfriend Jeonghan leaving him because of false accusations, his father walking out of the house and never returning and his relatives basically considering him dead and blaming him for his father's disappearance. Joshua had nowhere to go to. He couldn't loose his only family. Ever since he came out things only went downhill. He considered his sexuality as a curse which is also the reason why he was always so uncomfortable talking about it.

Joshua considered himself as a curse.

He felt relieved when the only punishment he got was to stay back and practice, or in his teachers words "Practice until you feel you're entire body breaking. I don't want to see any mistakes from you." The words were harsh but it was better then going home and drowning in guilt.

The room was dark and was only lit by a dim light. As Joshua was getting ready to practice he noticed another shadow that wasn't his.

"What are you doing here?" Joshua asked in a rather annoyed tone as he looked at Jeonghan

"I need to practice, plus you have a part with me so it's better if we practice together." Jeonghan looked at him deadpanned

Joshua wanted to sass out and tell Jeonghan to go away but he decided to put his ego aside and take in consideration that Jeonghan was right. Practicing with someone else would be better then practicing alone.

They did their regular routine while helping eachother here and there. All was going well until they had to run into eachothers arms and spin around. But instead of letting go they held onto eachother and got lost in the moment.

Joshua could see every detail in Jeonghan's dark brown eyes and Jeonghan didn't hesitate to return the loving gaze. Joshua could feel his legs loose power and his stomach swirl. He felt his grip on Jeonghan's shoulder become tighter as a blush formed on his cheek. In seconds Joshua was under Jeonghan's gaze. He felt his heartbeat rise as his mind turned into mush. At that moment, Joshua wanted nothing but to be loved by Jeonghan. He wanted Jeonghan to continue looking at him like this forever. He wanted to be the only person that Jeonghan loves. He wanted to be Jeonghan's.

Without any second thought, Joshua started to lean closer. He wanted to kiss Jeonghan and forget their past. Before their lips could meet, Joshua felt a hand lightly grab his face and push him away. When he opened his eyes he saw Jeonghan with an apologetic smile.

"We can't, Shua." Jeonghan softly said.

"Why?" Joshua asked.

Jeonghan kept quiet. He wanted to say yes but his heart wouldn't let him.

After some silence, Joshua spoke "Please, let's start over."

Jeonghan signed. "I can't."

"Why not?" Joshua begged.

"I can't trust you, or myself again." Jeonghan removed his hands from Joshua's waist.

"Don't tell me you're still stuck up over that. It's been years!" Joshua showed desperation in his eyes as Jeonghan moved further away from him.